Tonight is the last night of the year. This time last year, I was telling myself how I had to change what was happening to me. I had to figure out where the kinks were that were making me so unhappy. I believe that, throughout the year, I have done just that. I do think that I've only just begun this process. I believe that this is something that will be continually evolving, and continually changing.
That's life. I've become much better at accepting my faults and learning the things about me that I need to appreciate more. I've learned to let things go as well as which battles to fight. My appreciation for my life has increased exponentially. I feel my goals and ambition striking once again. I feel like I'm ever so slowly turning back into myself. Let's hope that this new year brings many more promising revelations!
Happy New Year!
Friday, December 31, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
December 27, 2010
Christmas was wonderful this year. I really didn't know what to expect out of it. All season, it had never really felt like "Christmas" to me. When I traveled up to Maryland, I had every expectation that it would finally feel like Christmas. No luck. It honestly didn't start feeling like the "days of old" until I was able to watch Ellie opening her presents. She made out like a bandit too! We have such amazing family members. On both side. So much thought and effort was put into making this holiday fun for my little munchkin. It was a great feeling watching her upwrap all the gifts and wanting to play with EVERY SINGLE TOY!
Tom's family is ridiculously crafty. And I have to put something up about Auntie Beth's gift to Ellie. She crocheted the cutest little sweater for Ellie. It was made to look like Alfred, our cat. It was gray with dark gray stripes on the back, little cat ears on the hood, and a striped tail. It is absolutely adorable, and it came with a little cat book to match it. I really don't want to put down all the gifts that were given to ellie and I received this year for two reasons. (1) It would be too many, and I'd be worried that I'd forget someone or something; and (2) I think its kinda tacky to put all that down. I'd feel like I was gloating.
I remember wanting to tell every single person I saw about every single gift I received as a child. I loved it. My parents always got the three of us so much, or so I thought. The thing was more that my parents knew us. They knew we didn't need lots of toys. They knew that we were easily pleased. The three of us, (Mandi, TJ and myself) will still sit around and talk about how we never really felt like we hadn't had good christmases as children. We were happy. I realize now that all the crayons and coloring books and little barbies were exactly what we wanted.
Now, as the parent, I'm consumed by the idea of getting Ellie lots of toys. My mother has told me time and time again, "Why, she's gonna have her favorites and not bother with the rest of them?" And, she's right. Again. Yes, I've got a wise momma who I really need to learn to listen to more. Christmas is still about being around family. And honestly, that was the best part of this Christmas. Once the chaos of making the dinner and getting everyone situated subsided, I remember smiling a lot more. The kids were playing with PopPop, his kids were picking on him for picking on their kids, and we even got MeeMaw to tickle him. It felt like everything was right. It felt like I would never trade that moment. Watching everyone smile so much and seeing everyone so happy is what Christmas has always been about in our family. I was hard for me to break away from the commercialism of "Christmas," but know that I've gotten the opportunity to experience our family's christmas again, I know what standards I'm really supposed to hold myself to when next Christmas rolls around.
Until then, Merry Christmas to you all, and may you always remember how grateful you should be to have the love of your family.
Tom's family is ridiculously crafty. And I have to put something up about Auntie Beth's gift to Ellie. She crocheted the cutest little sweater for Ellie. It was made to look like Alfred, our cat. It was gray with dark gray stripes on the back, little cat ears on the hood, and a striped tail. It is absolutely adorable, and it came with a little cat book to match it. I really don't want to put down all the gifts that were given to ellie and I received this year for two reasons. (1) It would be too many, and I'd be worried that I'd forget someone or something; and (2) I think its kinda tacky to put all that down. I'd feel like I was gloating.
I remember wanting to tell every single person I saw about every single gift I received as a child. I loved it. My parents always got the three of us so much, or so I thought. The thing was more that my parents knew us. They knew we didn't need lots of toys. They knew that we were easily pleased. The three of us, (Mandi, TJ and myself) will still sit around and talk about how we never really felt like we hadn't had good christmases as children. We were happy. I realize now that all the crayons and coloring books and little barbies were exactly what we wanted.
Now, as the parent, I'm consumed by the idea of getting Ellie lots of toys. My mother has told me time and time again, "Why, she's gonna have her favorites and not bother with the rest of them?" And, she's right. Again. Yes, I've got a wise momma who I really need to learn to listen to more. Christmas is still about being around family. And honestly, that was the best part of this Christmas. Once the chaos of making the dinner and getting everyone situated subsided, I remember smiling a lot more. The kids were playing with PopPop, his kids were picking on him for picking on their kids, and we even got MeeMaw to tickle him. It felt like everything was right. It felt like I would never trade that moment. Watching everyone smile so much and seeing everyone so happy is what Christmas has always been about in our family. I was hard for me to break away from the commercialism of "Christmas," but know that I've gotten the opportunity to experience our family's christmas again, I know what standards I'm really supposed to hold myself to when next Christmas rolls around.
Until then, Merry Christmas to you all, and may you always remember how grateful you should be to have the love of your family.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
December 21, 2010
The year is almost over. I can't believe how quickly it all went by. So many ups. Too many downs. I've had a very busy month since my last entry. So many things to be thankful for. So many things to contemplate. I was able to help some friends, as well as being lucky enough to have some friends help me out in my time of need. I had a great time getting some Black Friday deals and then enjoying LOTS of time living with a great friend while Ellie and I are in transition. I am lucky enough to have parents that bought plane tickets for Ellie and I to travel up north and visit all the family on my side for the Christmas holiday. I love being able to watch Ellie interact with my family. She has spent so much time with them, its great to see how the relationships have never slumped. Especially between Ellie and Addyson. Those two are some of the most entertaining, and aggravating Divas I've ever met (or at least that I can think of quickly).
I've looked back on entries throughout the year and have seen some growth, and my journal has accomplished exactly what I thought it would. It helped me get rid of a lot of pent up negativity. It helped me sort out some of my emotions. I want to keep writing, but I think I will be tweaking it a little. I think with the coming year, I will be including pictures and quite possibly some of my crafts. I can only wait and see what this next year will bring.
I've looked back on entries throughout the year and have seen some growth, and my journal has accomplished exactly what I thought it would. It helped me get rid of a lot of pent up negativity. It helped me sort out some of my emotions. I want to keep writing, but I think I will be tweaking it a little. I think with the coming year, I will be including pictures and quite possibly some of my crafts. I can only wait and see what this next year will bring.
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