Everything happens for a reason, right? I learned today that one of my very good friends is a former practicing Satanist. I used to have the stereotypical vision of what a Satanist believed and practiced. The opportunity came up today to find out what her religious beliefs, if any, she had. She really opened my eyes. I have a much better view of that particular belief system, and although may not be for me, I'm still very glad we talked about it.
Being able to keep an open mind, especially about hard topics, keep me sane. I'm not sure how, but learning something new always excites me! I always loved school for that reason. Learning should be a never ending endeavor, be it through academic learning, or life lessons.
I was also involved with a friend of mine involving forgiveness. How hard is it really to forgive someone? I used to believe that no one deserved my forgiveness, but I deserved everyone's forgiveness, because, of course I didn't mean it. How selfish of me. I really hurt this friend and I regret the way things happened, but I used to pray that he would forgive me for my choices. Almost 5 years later, he has. And now we have an absolutely wonderful relationship. Throughout the years, I would think of him, and then think about all the people who may have asked for forgiveness from me. I was never willing to give it. Its not my place to NOT forgive. God has forgiven all of our sins, so why can't I? He gave his only son to do that, and all I have to do is say, "I forgive you." and move on. So simple. Its a never ending process, like learning, and patience.
I'm grateful to have come so far in my life. That can be taken on numerous levels. My spirituality, personal growth, financial, etc. I have a good life, I do. Some days are harder than others, but I have a good life.
Good night.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
April 25, 2010
Besides the nasty rope burn I got from Inga today (during our walk), today was a good day. I was hosting a meetup with my Mommy's group today at SeaWorld, and God blessed us with an absolutely BEAUTIFUL day! I couldn't have asked for anything better. The kids all had a good time and the parents all enjoyed one another's company.
At one point today, I had a moment of pride questioning. I occasionally suffer from migraines, but not as often since I've stopped the birth control while Tom's gone. I got one today that was leaving me almost completely useless and really didn't know what I was supposed to do. I had that moment of helplessness. One of the first since Tom's been gone. I don't like to ask for help, but I knew I was no good to Ellie in the condition I was in. She was being such a wonderful little girl though. I'm grateful that she understood that I wasn't myself. She just sat there with me and tried to help me "feel better." My little nurse. I let my pride go and called my local savior, Lydia. She came without question to pick Ellie up and let me sleep some of the headache off. I wasn't able to sleep, but just being able to close my eyes and not think helped immensely! And then, when I went to pick Ellie up, Lydia had (more or less) prepared dinner for me so I wouldn't have to cook or go through a drive through! I love that girl! I know I've mentioned her before in other entries, but I really am grateful to have someone like her. I don't know where I'd be without her.
Luckily, the headache went away and I'm sitting her in a peaceful, although messy, house. My munchkin is sleeping soundly, and I've got my iPod keeping me entertained. Its a good ending to an overall good day.
"I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar." ~Robert Brault
Good night.
At one point today, I had a moment of pride questioning. I occasionally suffer from migraines, but not as often since I've stopped the birth control while Tom's gone. I got one today that was leaving me almost completely useless and really didn't know what I was supposed to do. I had that moment of helplessness. One of the first since Tom's been gone. I don't like to ask for help, but I knew I was no good to Ellie in the condition I was in. She was being such a wonderful little girl though. I'm grateful that she understood that I wasn't myself. She just sat there with me and tried to help me "feel better." My little nurse. I let my pride go and called my local savior, Lydia. She came without question to pick Ellie up and let me sleep some of the headache off. I wasn't able to sleep, but just being able to close my eyes and not think helped immensely! And then, when I went to pick Ellie up, Lydia had (more or less) prepared dinner for me so I wouldn't have to cook or go through a drive through! I love that girl! I know I've mentioned her before in other entries, but I really am grateful to have someone like her. I don't know where I'd be without her.
Luckily, the headache went away and I'm sitting her in a peaceful, although messy, house. My munchkin is sleeping soundly, and I've got my iPod keeping me entertained. Its a good ending to an overall good day.
"I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar." ~Robert Brault
Good night.
Friday, April 23, 2010
April 23, 2010
Wow. Two plus weeks since I've written. I don't feel horrible about it but at the same time, I feel like I let down my own responsibility. There was so much going on these past couple of weeks that this journal got put off to the back burners. There are so many things I want to make sure I get written down so that I don't forget them in the coming years.
I recently had to have a tumor removed from my thumb. This was an issue that I've been dealing with since Christmas when I first discovered the mass. I originally thought it was a cyst and just happened to ask the doc about it at my yearly physical. He wanted to have it surgically removed because he thought it was too deep to just drain. One x-ray and two MRI's later, I was in orthopedics, finding out the mass was a tumor, not a cyst. After scheduling my surgery appointment, I saw the hand surgeon, and he's the one who suggested that the tumor may actually be sarcoma, which is a soft tissue cancer. I was scared. The thought of having to go through Chemotherapy and not being able to take care of Ellie was heart wrenching. My mother, my rock, was there for me. She bought a plane ticket and came here for a week, just in case! She helped me so much during the week following the surgery, she was a true God send for me! I can't even begin to say how grateful I am for her and for everything she did and does for me!
I got the results from the tumor yesterday, and God was listening to my prayers! The tumor was benign and the likelihood of re-occurrence is almost non-existent! I am so grateful that this shouldn't be an issue I deal with in the future! God listened to me! He heard my fears and answered me! There are so few feelings that compare to the feeling of knowing you DON'T have cancer.
For now, that's all the time I have. I have to get back to my munchkin since she just woke up from her nap. I'm glad I had the chance to get that all down. I may have more time this evening to write more, but we'll just have to see how things go!
Have a great day!
I recently had to have a tumor removed from my thumb. This was an issue that I've been dealing with since Christmas when I first discovered the mass. I originally thought it was a cyst and just happened to ask the doc about it at my yearly physical. He wanted to have it surgically removed because he thought it was too deep to just drain. One x-ray and two MRI's later, I was in orthopedics, finding out the mass was a tumor, not a cyst. After scheduling my surgery appointment, I saw the hand surgeon, and he's the one who suggested that the tumor may actually be sarcoma, which is a soft tissue cancer. I was scared. The thought of having to go through Chemotherapy and not being able to take care of Ellie was heart wrenching. My mother, my rock, was there for me. She bought a plane ticket and came here for a week, just in case! She helped me so much during the week following the surgery, she was a true God send for me! I can't even begin to say how grateful I am for her and for everything she did and does for me!
I got the results from the tumor yesterday, and God was listening to my prayers! The tumor was benign and the likelihood of re-occurrence is almost non-existent! I am so grateful that this shouldn't be an issue I deal with in the future! God listened to me! He heard my fears and answered me! There are so few feelings that compare to the feeling of knowing you DON'T have cancer.
For now, that's all the time I have. I have to get back to my munchkin since she just woke up from her nap. I'm glad I had the chance to get that all down. I may have more time this evening to write more, but we'll just have to see how things go!
Have a great day!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
April 7, 2010
It been almost a week since I've taken the time to journal. I have found out some potentially very bad news. Until I know for sure that it is true though, I'm not going to document what the news is. My fear is documenting it will be a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy.
I do admit that I need to starting balancing myself again. I have overcome some major milestones since the establishment of this journal, and to give up on it when my life has become less than pleasant would be hypocritical. There are still a million things to be grateful for that I've started to take for granted. My faith, my family, my friends. Knowing that Tom is safe. Watching Ellie "grow up" right before my eyes.
Many of these things are taken for granted, and I need to remember that its the little things that count. When you look through a photo album, you see the major event. But what about all the minor things that happened in between "photo shoots?" Those minor things are the glue.
It is time to balance myself. It is time to show my gratitude!
Good night.
I do admit that I need to starting balancing myself again. I have overcome some major milestones since the establishment of this journal, and to give up on it when my life has become less than pleasant would be hypocritical. There are still a million things to be grateful for that I've started to take for granted. My faith, my family, my friends. Knowing that Tom is safe. Watching Ellie "grow up" right before my eyes.
Many of these things are taken for granted, and I need to remember that its the little things that count. When you look through a photo album, you see the major event. But what about all the minor things that happened in between "photo shoots?" Those minor things are the glue.
It is time to balance myself. It is time to show my gratitude!
Good night.
Friday, April 2, 2010
April 2, 2010
Another month gone! It is really amazing to me how quickly the months are passing. I'm sure that sounds like a broken record, but right now, I'm grateful. There are still moments where I wish time would stand still, but ultimately, I want Tom home.
I went out this evening for a very enjoyable dinner with an unlikely source. I thought of her as merely an associate up until this evening, but am so very happy I met with her. It just seemed to be one of those weeks, and we both felt the need to go out for a beer or two. We decided to meet up at Joe's Crab Shack and have dinner there as well. We chose Joe's because of the playground attached. I honestly didn't know how the conversation would flow, but 2.5 hours later, we were finally able to call it a night. We were both amazed at how much we have in common and how freely the conversations flowed. It was such a nice change of pace from all the busy-ness of life lately.
It takes a lot for me to put myself out there with new people, but I'm so glad and grateful that I did this evening. Trusting people is something that I'm very skeptical of, but tend to do easily. I do give people the benefit of the doubt, and I'm okay with that. At some points it makes me feel more vulnerable, and others, more gracious. Its a fine line, but only one that can be deciphered through experience.
Today as a whole was a good day. There was excitement and laughter as well as relaxation and a sense of calm.
"Strangers are just friends waiting to happen." ~Rod McKuen
Good night.
I went out this evening for a very enjoyable dinner with an unlikely source. I thought of her as merely an associate up until this evening, but am so very happy I met with her. It just seemed to be one of those weeks, and we both felt the need to go out for a beer or two. We decided to meet up at Joe's Crab Shack and have dinner there as well. We chose Joe's because of the playground attached. I honestly didn't know how the conversation would flow, but 2.5 hours later, we were finally able to call it a night. We were both amazed at how much we have in common and how freely the conversations flowed. It was such a nice change of pace from all the busy-ness of life lately.
It takes a lot for me to put myself out there with new people, but I'm so glad and grateful that I did this evening. Trusting people is something that I'm very skeptical of, but tend to do easily. I do give people the benefit of the doubt, and I'm okay with that. At some points it makes me feel more vulnerable, and others, more gracious. Its a fine line, but only one that can be deciphered through experience.
Today as a whole was a good day. There was excitement and laughter as well as relaxation and a sense of calm.
"Strangers are just friends waiting to happen." ~Rod McKuen
Good night.
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