Today was a nice and relaxing day. Tom took Ellie out for a couple of hours while I had some company over. I got to do what I love best (as far as "work" goes). Teach! I was teaching a couple of women from the mommy's group how to crochet. I forgot how nice it is to just pick up a hook and some yarn and just start crocheting. It's so repetitive that it's meditative for me. I've currently got four big projects that I need to finish. I've got a quilt that Tom started mid last year, the daddy quilt for Ellie, a crocheted blanket for my mother, and another crocheted blanket for me. I'm planning to get them all done. The daddy quilt will be done within the next couple of day, but the other three are just for fun. It'll keep the monotony at bay.
I love how my knack for being creative seems to be my outlet for stress and anger. I love to make things for people and finding new ways to use old materials (i.e. a "vase" out of a wine bottle). I'm definitely a hands on kind of person, and having the ability to teach just gives me joy to do both at once. I didn't get to work on a single stitch of any of my projects today, and I'm still very fulfilled at how my day turned out. Of course I get a sense of accomplishment when I finish any project, but I get that same satisfied feeling when I've helped another person do anything. That can be with crafts, or babysitting, or, as with Ellie, the fundamentals of academia as well as the basics of life. I know, big jump there, but the point is made.
I know I should be thanking my father for giving me this attitude. He's just as hands-on as I am, and as creative, in different ways. He's much more mechanical, and works with different mediums, but the satisfaction is the same. I'm far from scared of speaking in front of crowds, and I know without a shadow of a doubt, that I got that from him as well. I think because of him, I feel as though I'm a natural leader. I want to be a part of groups, and help them along their way. Being able to teach the women today gave me a huge sense of accomplishment and that's a feeling that can't be replaced. When you see the lightbulb click on, it's an amazing feeling.
Tom has said time and time again that I'm a jack of all trades. I always want to learn new and different things. I want to see everything that could be offered to me. I want to be able to make up my own mind about what I do and don't like. And I'm able to do just that. Whether I decided to specialize in any one thing, only God knows. Right now, I'm happy helping others in as many ways as I can.
"The best teachers teach from the heart, not from the book."
~Author Unknown
Good night.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
January 30, 2010
This evening I'm sitting in bed contemplating all the things I've been given as well as all the things I've earned in my life. Life, in general, is a long and complicated journey. I've seen more and more people focusing on what they don't have, instead of being grateful for what they do.
I have my daughter. I have my husband. I have two dogs and a cat. I have life experiences through college as well as the military. I have motherhood. I've had a broken heart. I've cried myself to sleep. I've laughed until my sides cramped. I have trusted colleagues. I have a family that is close to one another. There is always food on the table. There is a roof over our head and heat/air conditioning in our home. We have a home. I've made mistakes, but have been lucky enough to have learned from (some) of them. I have my faith. I have my health. I have the opportunity to choose the things I want to study, and study a variety of subjects.
Putting life into perspective is a hard thing to do. Its hard to list the things I have when there is still so much that I want. Saying that though, all of those "wants" I've realized are materialistic. In the long run, how much to those things matter? I can't take any of it with me when God decides its my turn. Money and materialistic things may make things more convenient, but is it worth the cost? When I sit and think about the things I want, it get more and more stresed out because it's money that causes the fact that I don't have those things yet. The things that matter, those intangibles, should be my priority.
Sometime realizing and putting down on "paper" what you do have makes things a little more positive. The memories that I share with my family are priceless. The quality time that I have with my daughter is worth more than any dream vacation I could plan. The patriotic pride I share with my husband is something to be announced, not ashamed of. The love that bonds my husband and I together is something that erases any heartbreak. The comfort I find when I'm fully accepting of my faith, instead of being hesitant with, creates a joyous feeling in and of itself. It's these "wants" that need to be the focus of my joy. It's these "wants" that have given me joy.
"Your most precious, valued possessions and your greatest powers are invisible and intangible. No one can take them. You, and you alone, can give them. You will receive abundance for your giving."
--W. Clement Stone
Good night.
I have my daughter. I have my husband. I have two dogs and a cat. I have life experiences through college as well as the military. I have motherhood. I've had a broken heart. I've cried myself to sleep. I've laughed until my sides cramped. I have trusted colleagues. I have a family that is close to one another. There is always food on the table. There is a roof over our head and heat/air conditioning in our home. We have a home. I've made mistakes, but have been lucky enough to have learned from (some) of them. I have my faith. I have my health. I have the opportunity to choose the things I want to study, and study a variety of subjects.
Putting life into perspective is a hard thing to do. Its hard to list the things I have when there is still so much that I want. Saying that though, all of those "wants" I've realized are materialistic. In the long run, how much to those things matter? I can't take any of it with me when God decides its my turn. Money and materialistic things may make things more convenient, but is it worth the cost? When I sit and think about the things I want, it get more and more stresed out because it's money that causes the fact that I don't have those things yet. The things that matter, those intangibles, should be my priority.
Sometime realizing and putting down on "paper" what you do have makes things a little more positive. The memories that I share with my family are priceless. The quality time that I have with my daughter is worth more than any dream vacation I could plan. The patriotic pride I share with my husband is something to be announced, not ashamed of. The love that bonds my husband and I together is something that erases any heartbreak. The comfort I find when I'm fully accepting of my faith, instead of being hesitant with, creates a joyous feeling in and of itself. It's these "wants" that need to be the focus of my joy. It's these "wants" that have given me joy.
"Your most precious, valued possessions and your greatest powers are invisible and intangible. No one can take them. You, and you alone, can give them. You will receive abundance for your giving."
--W. Clement Stone
Good night.
Friday, January 29, 2010
January 29, 2010
Today felt very normal. There was nothing spectacular about the day. I need to get my headlight in my car fixed, and we need to get some pre-deployment errands done, but I don't feel as if anything really happened today. Oh, I just remembered something!
Earlier today I met up with a friend at JoAnn's (one of my favorite stores) to help her pick out yarn and a crochet needle. I'm teaching her how to crochet so I thought it might help if I went to help her pick out what she needed. I also wanted to get some goodies, as I call them. I can spend hours in JoAnn's; just wondering the store, getting different ideas for things to make the home feel cozy, or crafts with/for Ellie, or gifts I can make. I love that store. Anyway, I had the munchkin with me of course, and she had her two children, ages 4 and 2.
Ellie loves this friend, but then again, after seeing me all day, I think she loves anyone else's familiar face. I normally don't get to peruse the aisles because Ellie starts collecting things as we go, and I just know the type of fit she's going to throw when she realizes that I'm not buying whatever it was. Today it was a $20 stuffed lamb that was as big as her. Yea, not a chance on that one. Well, because Ellie loves this friend so much, she wanted to spend all of her time with her. Any my friend went right along with it.
She honestly didn't seem to mind having another child in tow. She had no idea the kind of relief it gave me to just be able to walk through the store and let my creative mind wander. From beads and kid crafts, to yarns and quilting fabrics. It was so relaxing. I didn't hear Ellie screaming across the store, so I'm assuming everything was going smoothly enough, but eventually I felt compelled to take the little one of my friend's shoulders.
I really do appreciate those 15 minutes of kid-free time to wander. Again, its the little things that make you smile.
Courtesies of a small and trivial character are the ones which strike deepest in the grateful and appreciating heart. ~Henry Clay
Good night.
Earlier today I met up with a friend at JoAnn's (one of my favorite stores) to help her pick out yarn and a crochet needle. I'm teaching her how to crochet so I thought it might help if I went to help her pick out what she needed. I also wanted to get some goodies, as I call them. I can spend hours in JoAnn's; just wondering the store, getting different ideas for things to make the home feel cozy, or crafts with/for Ellie, or gifts I can make. I love that store. Anyway, I had the munchkin with me of course, and she had her two children, ages 4 and 2.
Ellie loves this friend, but then again, after seeing me all day, I think she loves anyone else's familiar face. I normally don't get to peruse the aisles because Ellie starts collecting things as we go, and I just know the type of fit she's going to throw when she realizes that I'm not buying whatever it was. Today it was a $20 stuffed lamb that was as big as her. Yea, not a chance on that one. Well, because Ellie loves this friend so much, she wanted to spend all of her time with her. Any my friend went right along with it.
She honestly didn't seem to mind having another child in tow. She had no idea the kind of relief it gave me to just be able to walk through the store and let my creative mind wander. From beads and kid crafts, to yarns and quilting fabrics. It was so relaxing. I didn't hear Ellie screaming across the store, so I'm assuming everything was going smoothly enough, but eventually I felt compelled to take the little one of my friend's shoulders.
I really do appreciate those 15 minutes of kid-free time to wander. Again, its the little things that make you smile.
Courtesies of a small and trivial character are the ones which strike deepest in the grateful and appreciating heart. ~Henry Clay
Good night.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
January 28, 2010
Tonight's entry is about Tom. It's not about something that he did recently, or at least no specific action, just him in general. Having this deployment staring us in the eye is making me very nostalgic about the way things were. It also got me into thinking about the reasons I married him.
Things were very different when we got married. Not good different, not bad different. Just different. We didn't really have any cares, we were both in the military enjoying our time together. We loved each other and that was all that mattered... at the time. Our marriage, we realized after the fact, happened too soon. We are proof that love is the binder of all marriages. Once we had been together for two years, our marriage was on the verge of being over, and neither of us knew what to do about it. We kept focusing on the things we didn't like about one another. All the things we didn't have in common.
Now, we've overcome some pretty major obstacles and we are approaching our 4th year of marriage together. Yes, there are many things we don't have in common, but we've learned to have our separate lives with our hobbies, and our loving lives together. We spend time together talking and joking. We play board games and video games. We like to take walks together and just be together.
There is a comfort that I find with him that I've never felt with anyone else. Whenever we were arguing, I always felt that I was more tense than I should be. He balances me. He keeps my high energy personality grounded so it doesn't overtake me. He does try to make me happy, but I've learned he's not a mind reader either! The past four years have taught me a lot about him as well as myself. We're still learning the best ways to communicate with one another, but it's because we love one another that we're still willing we try. He knows the little chores around the house that I absolutely hate doing, and he (generally) takes care of them for me. He always apologizes when he forgets something and he always tells me he loves me. There has never been any question of whether he loves me.
I'm lucky to have found a man who not only grounds and balances me, but has taught me things about myself. Things like my temper can be controlled, or that it's easier to let things roll off your shoulders than originally thought. I've never regretted saying my vowes to him, and I never will. As long as he's committed to our life together, so am I.
"Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that." ~Michael Leunig
Good night.
Things were very different when we got married. Not good different, not bad different. Just different. We didn't really have any cares, we were both in the military enjoying our time together. We loved each other and that was all that mattered... at the time. Our marriage, we realized after the fact, happened too soon. We are proof that love is the binder of all marriages. Once we had been together for two years, our marriage was on the verge of being over, and neither of us knew what to do about it. We kept focusing on the things we didn't like about one another. All the things we didn't have in common.
Now, we've overcome some pretty major obstacles and we are approaching our 4th year of marriage together. Yes, there are many things we don't have in common, but we've learned to have our separate lives with our hobbies, and our loving lives together. We spend time together talking and joking. We play board games and video games. We like to take walks together and just be together.
There is a comfort that I find with him that I've never felt with anyone else. Whenever we were arguing, I always felt that I was more tense than I should be. He balances me. He keeps my high energy personality grounded so it doesn't overtake me. He does try to make me happy, but I've learned he's not a mind reader either! The past four years have taught me a lot about him as well as myself. We're still learning the best ways to communicate with one another, but it's because we love one another that we're still willing we try. He knows the little chores around the house that I absolutely hate doing, and he (generally) takes care of them for me. He always apologizes when he forgets something and he always tells me he loves me. There has never been any question of whether he loves me.
I'm lucky to have found a man who not only grounds and balances me, but has taught me things about myself. Things like my temper can be controlled, or that it's easier to let things roll off your shoulders than originally thought. I've never regretted saying my vowes to him, and I never will. As long as he's committed to our life together, so am I.
"Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that." ~Michael Leunig
Good night.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
January 27, 2010
I started out thinking that tonight's entry would be hard to find. I've been helping Tom load up for his "year long leave," and to be completely honest, it's down right depressing. I'm going to just start writing down what I'm thinking and eventually, I know it'll get positive.
I know his unit, and a still know a few folks in the unit. I trust these guys to keep Tom safe and keep his morale up while he's over there. I know that the camaraderie that deployed soldiers is akin to that of a blood-line family, and only they will know what they truly had to endure while over there. His unit takes care of their soldiers and that's definitely something I appreciate. They help with not only the soldiers' concerns, but also those concerns of the families left behind.
This is Tom's second deployment, and my first to go at it alone. I know that we can manage the distance, and I'm seeing a more independent woman after all is said and done. I know that this deployment will bring Ellie and I closer still, and that's something amazing in my eyes. I was looking at pictures of her from only a year ago, and I can't believe how much she's changed. Being that we don't want Ellie to lose (too much) of her bond with Tom, he's going to record himself reading stories for her. We're planning on putting them on CD so that I can play them in the car for her, as well as in her room after we've gotten a CD player.
As I was looking at all the gear Tom has to take with him, I started laughing. Why, oh why, would Tom's unit need 85% of the stuff they're required to take with them?! That's when I realized that the old saying comes very true right now. Its better to be safe than sorry. Tom has some pretty cool stuff, that yes, he probably will never use, but in the odd chance that he does, the Army has provided. I know that he has been trained to the best of his ability, and that the Army has given him every opportunity to be trained.
I know he's going to be in a hazardous area, but at least he's prepared. I know he'll be as safe as the unit can make the area. I know my prayers for his safety will be heard. When there is so much that is uncertain, the best thing I can do for myself and my daughter is to concentrate on what I do know.
"We will always remember. We will always be proud. We will always be prepared, so we will always be free."
-- Ronald Reagan
Good night.
I know his unit, and a still know a few folks in the unit. I trust these guys to keep Tom safe and keep his morale up while he's over there. I know that the camaraderie that deployed soldiers is akin to that of a blood-line family, and only they will know what they truly had to endure while over there. His unit takes care of their soldiers and that's definitely something I appreciate. They help with not only the soldiers' concerns, but also those concerns of the families left behind.
This is Tom's second deployment, and my first to go at it alone. I know that we can manage the distance, and I'm seeing a more independent woman after all is said and done. I know that this deployment will bring Ellie and I closer still, and that's something amazing in my eyes. I was looking at pictures of her from only a year ago, and I can't believe how much she's changed. Being that we don't want Ellie to lose (too much) of her bond with Tom, he's going to record himself reading stories for her. We're planning on putting them on CD so that I can play them in the car for her, as well as in her room after we've gotten a CD player.
As I was looking at all the gear Tom has to take with him, I started laughing. Why, oh why, would Tom's unit need 85% of the stuff they're required to take with them?! That's when I realized that the old saying comes very true right now. Its better to be safe than sorry. Tom has some pretty cool stuff, that yes, he probably will never use, but in the odd chance that he does, the Army has provided. I know that he has been trained to the best of his ability, and that the Army has given him every opportunity to be trained.
I know he's going to be in a hazardous area, but at least he's prepared. I know he'll be as safe as the unit can make the area. I know my prayers for his safety will be heard. When there is so much that is uncertain, the best thing I can do for myself and my daughter is to concentrate on what I do know.
"We will always remember. We will always be proud. We will always be prepared, so we will always be free."
-- Ronald Reagan
Good night.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
January 26, 2010
Today, I think I can say that I'm grateful for finding the power of "free." I know that sounds funny. But when you're working on a single income, free is a very powerful word.
We were able to have a great time at a local museum today because they are free from 4-8 every Tuesday evening. You do have to pay for the special exhibit, but that was on $3 a person. The current exhibit was about circus folk. I've been looking at the billboards for it everywhere here, and honestly didn't seem that interested in it. But since it was cheap, we decided it would be a nice thing to do before Tom left. It's a good thing too because Ellie loved it. There was a clown show that we got some great pictures of her, and some pretty cute videos.
Its things like that that make you value free. In today's economy, more and more people are worried about what's in their bank accounts, stocks, wallets, driveways, etc. There is an all state commercial out right now that I absolutely love. Its talking about how times are hard financially, but to use this time wisely to reconnect with your family. Free is more than just penny pinching. When we're looking for free things to do, most things are centered around spending real, quality time with one another. It helps us bond as a family. Learning how to create new toys and puzzles from cereal boxes is free, and yet, Ellie will gain so much from it.
Free is awesome, whatever your reason. You can't put a price on the time you have with your family, but free activities help you cement your bonds with one another.
"Realize that now, in this moment of time, you are creating. You are creating your next moment. That is what's real."
--Sara Paddison, The Hidden Power of the Heart
Good night.
We were able to have a great time at a local museum today because they are free from 4-8 every Tuesday evening. You do have to pay for the special exhibit, but that was on $3 a person. The current exhibit was about circus folk. I've been looking at the billboards for it everywhere here, and honestly didn't seem that interested in it. But since it was cheap, we decided it would be a nice thing to do before Tom left. It's a good thing too because Ellie loved it. There was a clown show that we got some great pictures of her, and some pretty cute videos.
Its things like that that make you value free. In today's economy, more and more people are worried about what's in their bank accounts, stocks, wallets, driveways, etc. There is an all state commercial out right now that I absolutely love. Its talking about how times are hard financially, but to use this time wisely to reconnect with your family. Free is more than just penny pinching. When we're looking for free things to do, most things are centered around spending real, quality time with one another. It helps us bond as a family. Learning how to create new toys and puzzles from cereal boxes is free, and yet, Ellie will gain so much from it.
Free is awesome, whatever your reason. You can't put a price on the time you have with your family, but free activities help you cement your bonds with one another.
"Realize that now, in this moment of time, you are creating. You are creating your next moment. That is what's real."
--Sara Paddison, The Hidden Power of the Heart
Good night.
Monday, January 25, 2010
January 25, 2010
There is no question what I'm grateful for tonight. Four hours after the "occurence," I'm still smiling about it. It was a random act of kindness.
Tom and I have been feeling pretty down about his deployment, but have really been trying to make the best of a bad situation. We are still having family times and routines aren't changing. We decided after dinner that we all wanted some ice cream. We don't keep any in the house because I'd eat it all! So we went to a local place called Amy's that has amazing ice cream. We got ourselves ready and went out. Tom didn't feel like changing his clothes, so he was still in uniform when we went out. While we were placing our order, we noticed there was a man standing behind us. We went back to paying attention to what we were ordering, and while we were doing that, the man paid for our order! We have no idea when he actually did it, because we had no clue about it until we went up to the register to pay! They told us that they didn't want us to know until he had left, so they were taking their time with our order... how funny! So, he was already gone by the time we found out. It's a shame too because I would've loved to have thanked him. That's how you know he didn't out of the generosity of his heart. He wanted to thanks. No recognition. It's so rare to find people like that. It blew Tom and me away, and it definitely lifted our spirits.
Random acts of kindness are just that. Random. You never know when they're coming, and when they do, they stick to you like glue! It made me want to do something for someone else, but now, I have to wait for my own opportunity to make someone smile.
"Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness." ~Seneca
Good night.
Tom and I have been feeling pretty down about his deployment, but have really been trying to make the best of a bad situation. We are still having family times and routines aren't changing. We decided after dinner that we all wanted some ice cream. We don't keep any in the house because I'd eat it all! So we went to a local place called Amy's that has amazing ice cream. We got ourselves ready and went out. Tom didn't feel like changing his clothes, so he was still in uniform when we went out. While we were placing our order, we noticed there was a man standing behind us. We went back to paying attention to what we were ordering, and while we were doing that, the man paid for our order! We have no idea when he actually did it, because we had no clue about it until we went up to the register to pay! They told us that they didn't want us to know until he had left, so they were taking their time with our order... how funny! So, he was already gone by the time we found out. It's a shame too because I would've loved to have thanked him. That's how you know he didn't out of the generosity of his heart. He wanted to thanks. No recognition. It's so rare to find people like that. It blew Tom and me away, and it definitely lifted our spirits.
Random acts of kindness are just that. Random. You never know when they're coming, and when they do, they stick to you like glue! It made me want to do something for someone else, but now, I have to wait for my own opportunity to make someone smile.
"Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness." ~Seneca
Good night.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
January 24, 2010
Well, I just spend the past half hour trying to figure out how to add sound to my blog. Wow, complicated, and you notice there's no sound right? LOL Anyway, I was trying to let you all hear the song, "Thank Heaven for Little Girls." I love that song and today's entry is all about Ellie and how in love with her I am.
God blessed me, and I mean that. Ellie has completely changed my life for the better and she shows me things that amaze me. We had a very wonderful day today. It started with breakfast at a friends house, and that followed by a tantrum that lasted 20+ minutes because we left the house. We took a nap and then went to the zoo and had a blast. Of course, I could've lived without the tantrum, but for the first time that I can remember, I didn't lose my temper with her at all. Her little tantrums usually set me off pretty quickly because they're generally for no reason, and this one was too, but I didn't get upset. I'm proud of myself, and I'm not ashamed to admit any of that.
While we were at our friend's home, I was watching her playing with the other kids, and watching her discover how to play with new toys, and play dress up, and develop... RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EYES! I love it. She's growing at a rate that's infathomable, and although I would love to stop time some days, I love watching her grow too. There is so much to gain out of watching a toddler learn.
When we went to the zoo today, she showed us just how smart she really is. She would tell us what every animal (that was more well known) was and what sounds they "say." I don't remember a time that she was wrong! She loved looking at all the new animals and seeing how big some of them really are. There is a song from one of the Diego episodes that talks about the symbiotic relationship between an oxpecker bird and a hippo. Well, once we got to the Hippo Exhibit, and with absolutely no hints from us, she started to sing the song... "symbiotic, symbiotic..." It was great. There was a petting zoo that she absolutely loved and went into fearlessly. She went over to one black billy goat, grabbed it by one of the horns, and said, "Can I pet you, please?" I couldn't stop laughing. She says some crazy things. She told another goat, "it's okay, I'll be your mommy..." I LOVE IT! I don't know why, but she's absolutely fascinated by flamingos! She can't get enough of them. The zoo also had a grassy area sectioned off with some playground toys and I let Ellie run around without her shoes and socks on to get that experience. This was also after I had scoped it out enough to make sure there wasn't anything harmful she could step on! She loved it. She was prancing, literally prancing, all over the place. The grass was nice and soft, and COLD! She said that was why she was "walking funny."
I love all the crazy, irritating and/or adorable things that she says. I was trying to convince her that taking a warm bath was a good idea tonight because she was playing in the dirt today. The compromise? I had to get in with her. Mind you, there was half of me that was very unhappy about this compromise; the half that was OUT of the water. I eventually had to tell her that I had to get out because I was freezing. Her response? "No mommy. I'll keep you warm." And she got up and got on my lap and gave me "warm hugs" to help. I stayed in for a while longer. How could I not? Its things like that that make being a mother the best job you could ever WANT to have.
"A daughter is a day brightener and a heart warmer." ~Author Unknown
For my own mother:
"Mothers and daughters are closest, when daughters become mothers." ~Author Unknown
Good night.
God blessed me, and I mean that. Ellie has completely changed my life for the better and she shows me things that amaze me. We had a very wonderful day today. It started with breakfast at a friends house, and that followed by a tantrum that lasted 20+ minutes because we left the house. We took a nap and then went to the zoo and had a blast. Of course, I could've lived without the tantrum, but for the first time that I can remember, I didn't lose my temper with her at all. Her little tantrums usually set me off pretty quickly because they're generally for no reason, and this one was too, but I didn't get upset. I'm proud of myself, and I'm not ashamed to admit any of that.
While we were at our friend's home, I was watching her playing with the other kids, and watching her discover how to play with new toys, and play dress up, and develop... RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EYES! I love it. She's growing at a rate that's infathomable, and although I would love to stop time some days, I love watching her grow too. There is so much to gain out of watching a toddler learn.
When we went to the zoo today, she showed us just how smart she really is. She would tell us what every animal (that was more well known) was and what sounds they "say." I don't remember a time that she was wrong! She loved looking at all the new animals and seeing how big some of them really are. There is a song from one of the Diego episodes that talks about the symbiotic relationship between an oxpecker bird and a hippo. Well, once we got to the Hippo Exhibit, and with absolutely no hints from us, she started to sing the song... "symbiotic, symbiotic..." It was great. There was a petting zoo that she absolutely loved and went into fearlessly. She went over to one black billy goat, grabbed it by one of the horns, and said, "Can I pet you, please?" I couldn't stop laughing. She says some crazy things. She told another goat, "it's okay, I'll be your mommy..." I LOVE IT! I don't know why, but she's absolutely fascinated by flamingos! She can't get enough of them. The zoo also had a grassy area sectioned off with some playground toys and I let Ellie run around without her shoes and socks on to get that experience. This was also after I had scoped it out enough to make sure there wasn't anything harmful she could step on! She loved it. She was prancing, literally prancing, all over the place. The grass was nice and soft, and COLD! She said that was why she was "walking funny."
I love all the crazy, irritating and/or adorable things that she says. I was trying to convince her that taking a warm bath was a good idea tonight because she was playing in the dirt today. The compromise? I had to get in with her. Mind you, there was half of me that was very unhappy about this compromise; the half that was OUT of the water. I eventually had to tell her that I had to get out because I was freezing. Her response? "No mommy. I'll keep you warm." And she got up and got on my lap and gave me "warm hugs" to help. I stayed in for a while longer. How could I not? Its things like that that make being a mother the best job you could ever WANT to have.
"A daughter is a day brightener and a heart warmer." ~Author Unknown
For my own mother:
"Mothers and daughters are closest, when daughters become mothers." ~Author Unknown
Good night.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
January 23, 2010
Today I want to make known my gratitude for my daughter's health. There was a little mishap at the dog park today and she got some pretty nasty scratches. Nothing major, but I think it could have been worse.
Here's the backstory. There was a puppy playdate today organized through the mommy's group that I'm a part of. We were really late because of some errands that needed to be attended to, but that's neither here nor there. Well, we see our friends walking away from the dog park as we're walking towards it. We obviously stop to chit chat, and I noticed our friend's son has a bunch of scratches on his face. I asked if he and his sister had been play fighting, and he told me that it was from one of the dogs inside the park whose owner wasn't really paying attention to. So, now I'm on edge about the energy of all the dogs in the park. We say our goodbyes and start heading to the park again. We notice there are probably 50-60 dogs inside the park. Everything is fine for the first few minutes. I've still got my sunglasses on and I felt the need to take them off to see Ellie and our dogs a little better. There was a lot of "pecking" among the dogs and that type of energy typically makes Koda more fearful and Inga more protective and agressive. Well, Ellie was playing around one of the dog tunnels and she was no more than a foot and a half away from me when two little-ish dogs came running up full speed behind her and ran right into her. The impact sent her flying head over heals and she landed right on her face, right cheek actually, onto the mulch. I've honestly never heard her scream like that before in my life.
I'm sure part of the scream was from fear, but after getting all the dirt off her face I could see that she had some pretty nasty scratches covering the majority of her cheek. She cried for a good while, which is unlike her, so I knew it was still affecting her. We got her cleaned up as best we could, took the dogs home, then took Ellie out for dinner. Once home from dinner, while we were playing, I noticed that she also had a bunch of scratches, and one particularly deep one on her chest and abdominal, which I'm assuming were from the fall.
I'm very grateful that the only things that really happened were that she got some "battle wounds" and scared. So many worse things could have happened. She could've broken an limb, or landed on her head wrong, or the dogs could have hit her spine, or she could've landed on an upright stick... All things were unlikely, but the horrible possibilities are there. I really am grateful that nothing serious happened. She is my whole world and just seeing her in the fear and pain she was in briefly at the park was breaking my heart. It wasn't something that a mommy's kiss could fix.
So, thank you God for protecting and watching out for my little girl. Not just today, but every day. It's because of your will that she is as strong and vigilant as she is, and I thank you.
"The greatest wealth is health." ~Virgil
Good night.
Here's the backstory. There was a puppy playdate today organized through the mommy's group that I'm a part of. We were really late because of some errands that needed to be attended to, but that's neither here nor there. Well, we see our friends walking away from the dog park as we're walking towards it. We obviously stop to chit chat, and I noticed our friend's son has a bunch of scratches on his face. I asked if he and his sister had been play fighting, and he told me that it was from one of the dogs inside the park whose owner wasn't really paying attention to. So, now I'm on edge about the energy of all the dogs in the park. We say our goodbyes and start heading to the park again. We notice there are probably 50-60 dogs inside the park. Everything is fine for the first few minutes. I've still got my sunglasses on and I felt the need to take them off to see Ellie and our dogs a little better. There was a lot of "pecking" among the dogs and that type of energy typically makes Koda more fearful and Inga more protective and agressive. Well, Ellie was playing around one of the dog tunnels and she was no more than a foot and a half away from me when two little-ish dogs came running up full speed behind her and ran right into her. The impact sent her flying head over heals and she landed right on her face, right cheek actually, onto the mulch. I've honestly never heard her scream like that before in my life.
I'm sure part of the scream was from fear, but after getting all the dirt off her face I could see that she had some pretty nasty scratches covering the majority of her cheek. She cried for a good while, which is unlike her, so I knew it was still affecting her. We got her cleaned up as best we could, took the dogs home, then took Ellie out for dinner. Once home from dinner, while we were playing, I noticed that she also had a bunch of scratches, and one particularly deep one on her chest and abdominal, which I'm assuming were from the fall.
I'm very grateful that the only things that really happened were that she got some "battle wounds" and scared. So many worse things could have happened. She could've broken an limb, or landed on her head wrong, or the dogs could have hit her spine, or she could've landed on an upright stick... All things were unlikely, but the horrible possibilities are there. I really am grateful that nothing serious happened. She is my whole world and just seeing her in the fear and pain she was in briefly at the park was breaking my heart. It wasn't something that a mommy's kiss could fix.
So, thank you God for protecting and watching out for my little girl. Not just today, but every day. It's because of your will that she is as strong and vigilant as she is, and I thank you.
"The greatest wealth is health." ~Virgil
Good night.
Friday, January 22, 2010
January 22, 2010
I'm faced with a hard dillema right now. Tom's deployment orders came down today. The date is set in "wet cement," as I like to say. In otherwords, it can shift, but its unlikely. I know he's doing the right thing as a patriot. He's doing the right thing as a father and husband, too. Emotionally though, I'm very torn. Emotional and physical separations are hard battles. Knowing that though, and being that its the only thing I can think about, I'm struggling to find some positive thoughts of gratitude this evening.
Lets just wing it and see how it goes. I've made myself an active member in two different groups since moving back to San Antonio. The unit's FRG and a local Mommy's group. Both groups are keeping me active and that's something to be thankful for.
The FRG, or Family Readiness Group, is utlized for spouses and family members to know what's going on with their soldiers. They also do activities to help keep the morale up among the spouses. They provide valuable information and resources for those of us left behind so that we can maintain some semblance of the life before the deployment. I already feel that I have a great support group among the women that I have befriended and feel that when time are getting shaky (and I know they will), I'll have someone who will know exactly what I'm talking about. Not that I didn't love the support my family gave me during the first deployment, but there are just some things they didn't understand or couldn't really help with. I felt I had to keep a lot of my issues in. So, knowing that that won't be an issue this deployment is a nice weight off my shoulders.
Now on to the Mommy's group. I was always intimidated by the idea of meeting a bunch of women and their kids and getting judged. It's nothing like that. Ellie and I have so much fun with the group we're involved with. They have anywhere from 5 to 25 events in a month and the choices are super eclectic. Some events are just for pregnant mommies, and other include the family pets. Some events are just for the moms to get out and about while others involve creating crafts and storytimes for the kiddos. I love this group. This is the group that will keep my mind off the negative thinking that's inevitably going to come with the deployment. Having things to do and keeping my mind active will help the days goes by smoother, and really, how could I not be grateful for that.
There is one other thing for me to grateful for regarding this deployment. Honestly, its the only good thing about deployments... well, besides being proud of your soldier for being able to do what only 3% of Americans are willing to do. We will have extra income coming in and that is always a huge weight in our household. We will be able to get rid of some debt and still live the life we're living now. I'm planning on going to some budgeting classes and finance classes and helping our family get our act together and start saving for emergencies and college funds. At least the military compensates for the separation. It may not be much, but every little bit helps.
I do have some things to look forward to and some thing to be thankful for. It took me a while to get this entry written because it was hard to break through the negative emotional wall that is still lingering, but it was relieving to be able to find something. And hey! That's the whole point of this journal...
"Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith." --Author Unknown
Lets just wing it and see how it goes. I've made myself an active member in two different groups since moving back to San Antonio. The unit's FRG and a local Mommy's group. Both groups are keeping me active and that's something to be thankful for.
The FRG, or Family Readiness Group, is utlized for spouses and family members to know what's going on with their soldiers. They also do activities to help keep the morale up among the spouses. They provide valuable information and resources for those of us left behind so that we can maintain some semblance of the life before the deployment. I already feel that I have a great support group among the women that I have befriended and feel that when time are getting shaky (and I know they will), I'll have someone who will know exactly what I'm talking about. Not that I didn't love the support my family gave me during the first deployment, but there are just some things they didn't understand or couldn't really help with. I felt I had to keep a lot of my issues in. So, knowing that that won't be an issue this deployment is a nice weight off my shoulders.
Now on to the Mommy's group. I was always intimidated by the idea of meeting a bunch of women and their kids and getting judged. It's nothing like that. Ellie and I have so much fun with the group we're involved with. They have anywhere from 5 to 25 events in a month and the choices are super eclectic. Some events are just for pregnant mommies, and other include the family pets. Some events are just for the moms to get out and about while others involve creating crafts and storytimes for the kiddos. I love this group. This is the group that will keep my mind off the negative thinking that's inevitably going to come with the deployment. Having things to do and keeping my mind active will help the days goes by smoother, and really, how could I not be grateful for that.
There is one other thing for me to grateful for regarding this deployment. Honestly, its the only good thing about deployments... well, besides being proud of your soldier for being able to do what only 3% of Americans are willing to do. We will have extra income coming in and that is always a huge weight in our household. We will be able to get rid of some debt and still live the life we're living now. I'm planning on going to some budgeting classes and finance classes and helping our family get our act together and start saving for emergencies and college funds. At least the military compensates for the separation. It may not be much, but every little bit helps.
I do have some things to look forward to and some thing to be thankful for. It took me a while to get this entry written because it was hard to break through the negative emotional wall that is still lingering, but it was relieving to be able to find something. And hey! That's the whole point of this journal...
"Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith." --Author Unknown
Thursday, January 21, 2010
January 21, 2010
Today the whole family was given a compliment that I'd like to share.
Tom and I have been trying to take a 30-45 minute walk with Ellie and dogs. We've both decided that the walks are enjoyable to all five of us, and help expend extra toddler and puppy energy. Ellie has really started looking forward to these walks because she treats them more as a way to collect sticks and stones and whatever else she find out there, than exercise, like Tom and I do.
Well, during the latter half of our walk, Ellie was walking on her own (we took a stroller with us today), and wasn't really paying attention to where she was walking. She got right in the path of a biker. Luckily there was plenty of time for the biker to stop so there was no harm done. I apologized to the man for Ellie refusing to get out of the way, and eventually she did move. He was laughing through it, telling us it was no problem. Then he complimented us. He told us we had a beautiful family. I don't know why it struck me like it did, but it brought out a sense of pride in what Tom and I have created together.
This man's simple compliment deserves plenty of thanks. He didn't have to compliment us at all. And yet he did. It was heartfelt, and very much appreciated. When a complete stranger can offer you a smile or compliment, it helps you to think that maybe people are more good than "evil" (exchange with selfish, egocentric, quacks, etc).
It reminded me of a compliment, if you will, that an older woman gave us quite a while ago. Long enough that I don't remember when are where it happened, and neither does Tom. Just that it happened. I remember that it was Tom, Ellie and I, and this woman told us that we needed to be photographed as a typical American family. She told us there was a beauty in average and that there was a particular photographer (of course I can't remember his name now) that spent the majority of his career going across the United States looking for and photographing the average American. She said we would've made a great addition to his photography collection. Again, a compliment completely out of the blue. It has stayed with me for this long, and who knows how long it will remain. It was nice to have that feeling of pride over your family.
"When you look at your life, the greatest happinesses are family happinesses."
--Joyce Brothers
Good night.
Tom and I have been trying to take a 30-45 minute walk with Ellie and dogs. We've both decided that the walks are enjoyable to all five of us, and help expend extra toddler and puppy energy. Ellie has really started looking forward to these walks because she treats them more as a way to collect sticks and stones and whatever else she find out there, than exercise, like Tom and I do.
Well, during the latter half of our walk, Ellie was walking on her own (we took a stroller with us today), and wasn't really paying attention to where she was walking. She got right in the path of a biker. Luckily there was plenty of time for the biker to stop so there was no harm done. I apologized to the man for Ellie refusing to get out of the way, and eventually she did move. He was laughing through it, telling us it was no problem. Then he complimented us. He told us we had a beautiful family. I don't know why it struck me like it did, but it brought out a sense of pride in what Tom and I have created together.
This man's simple compliment deserves plenty of thanks. He didn't have to compliment us at all. And yet he did. It was heartfelt, and very much appreciated. When a complete stranger can offer you a smile or compliment, it helps you to think that maybe people are more good than "evil" (exchange with selfish, egocentric, quacks, etc).
It reminded me of a compliment, if you will, that an older woman gave us quite a while ago. Long enough that I don't remember when are where it happened, and neither does Tom. Just that it happened. I remember that it was Tom, Ellie and I, and this woman told us that we needed to be photographed as a typical American family. She told us there was a beauty in average and that there was a particular photographer (of course I can't remember his name now) that spent the majority of his career going across the United States looking for and photographing the average American. She said we would've made a great addition to his photography collection. Again, a compliment completely out of the blue. It has stayed with me for this long, and who knows how long it will remain. It was nice to have that feeling of pride over your family.
"When you look at your life, the greatest happinesses are family happinesses."
--Joyce Brothers
Good night.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
January 20, 2010
This evening I would like to thank my good friends for coming over for dinner. I always enjoy having company over and they always make me feel like I'm doing a good job hosting. Our children play nicely (enough) and our discipline styles are similar to one another's, so we handle toddler conflicts more-or-less the same way. They also bought us dessert which is always a great thing in my book. Weight watchers may not have been a fan over my choice, but I'll work to get it off!
Another thing I'm grateful for is my sister-in-law Meg. Not knowingly, she has created an outlet for Ellie's sleep companion problem. You see, up until tonight, I've had to basically fall asleep with her every night in order for her to go to bed, and thats only AFTER we've read for over 20-30 minutes of stories. We've been working on cutting the stories down, and we're down to about 10 minutes, and I, personally, am okay with that. In any case, Ellie found the christmas gift that Meg had made her. Its a super cute, home-made stuffed owl. Ellie goes through phases of losing and finding toys, which means she "gifts" herself the same toys over and over again. Well, she decided that tonight this owl would be her sleep companion. Now, it did take a little coaxing on my part. But I gave her and her owl a kiss good night and haven't heard a peep from her since. That was over an hour ago. So, thank you Meg for the wondeful gift! Here's hoping it lasts as long as she does!
I think that will about do it for tonight. Again, I'm very tired and having had all my energy drained from me today without any apparent reason, it was much easier to thank the external things in my life rather than the deeper spiritual and emotional occurances.
"Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone." -- G.B. Stern
Good night.
Another thing I'm grateful for is my sister-in-law Meg. Not knowingly, she has created an outlet for Ellie's sleep companion problem. You see, up until tonight, I've had to basically fall asleep with her every night in order for her to go to bed, and thats only AFTER we've read for over 20-30 minutes of stories. We've been working on cutting the stories down, and we're down to about 10 minutes, and I, personally, am okay with that. In any case, Ellie found the christmas gift that Meg had made her. Its a super cute, home-made stuffed owl. Ellie goes through phases of losing and finding toys, which means she "gifts" herself the same toys over and over again. Well, she decided that tonight this owl would be her sleep companion. Now, it did take a little coaxing on my part. But I gave her and her owl a kiss good night and haven't heard a peep from her since. That was over an hour ago. So, thank you Meg for the wondeful gift! Here's hoping it lasts as long as she does!
I think that will about do it for tonight. Again, I'm very tired and having had all my energy drained from me today without any apparent reason, it was much easier to thank the external things in my life rather than the deeper spiritual and emotional occurances.
"Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone." -- G.B. Stern
Good night.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
January 19, 2010
I think its due time that I thank God that I have never been in any natural disasters. We all know about the intense earthquake that recently hit Haiti, and the destruction that followed in its path. Honestly, that's the only thing that's on the news. Tom and I were listening to NPR earlier, and a woman was talking about how she lost her older brother and her home to the earthquake. She didn't know if her parents were alive because she couldn't afford a bus ticket to their village.
I grew up in an area where the most major natural disasters were from blizzards (rare) and floods (even rarer). There was an occassional tornado, but they never seemed that immenent to our area. I've seen the destruction caused by an F4 (possibly F5, but I can't remember) tornado within days of it happening. My uncle and his family were lucky enough not to have anything major happen to their home, but the tornado literally was directly across the street from them. I can't imagine what the impact of being in a natural disaster really is.
Haiti seems to have gotten a doubly whammy. Not only is Haiti one of, if not the, poorest country on this hemisphere, but everything they did have as gone thanks to this earthquake. God has made it my good fortune to have been kept safe from any natural disasters as well let me live a comfortable life with my family. We may not be wealthy, but thanks to Tom's job security, I know we have a roof over our head, food in our bellies the reliability of the military if something should fall on us.
God has blessed us in this way for his own reasons, and all I can say is "thank you."
"The least movement is of importance to all nature. The entire ocean is affected by a pebble." -- Blaise Pascal
Good night.
I grew up in an area where the most major natural disasters were from blizzards (rare) and floods (even rarer). There was an occassional tornado, but they never seemed that immenent to our area. I've seen the destruction caused by an F4 (possibly F5, but I can't remember) tornado within days of it happening. My uncle and his family were lucky enough not to have anything major happen to their home, but the tornado literally was directly across the street from them. I can't imagine what the impact of being in a natural disaster really is.
Haiti seems to have gotten a doubly whammy. Not only is Haiti one of, if not the, poorest country on this hemisphere, but everything they did have as gone thanks to this earthquake. God has made it my good fortune to have been kept safe from any natural disasters as well let me live a comfortable life with my family. We may not be wealthy, but thanks to Tom's job security, I know we have a roof over our head, food in our bellies the reliability of the military if something should fall on us.
God has blessed us in this way for his own reasons, and all I can say is "thank you."
"The least movement is of importance to all nature. The entire ocean is affected by a pebble." -- Blaise Pascal
Good night.
Monday, January 18, 2010
January 18, 2010
Inhale (one... two... three... four...) Exhale (one... two... three... four) Inhale (one... two... three... four...) Exhale (one... two... three... four)
Okay, now that that's out of the way, I may be able to focus long enough to get a decent entry in this evening. You see, my monthly "calendar" is starting to take its effects on me, and consequently, I'm getting the migranes. This one is honestly my own fault because I've been feeling it all day, and I didn't actually take anything because I was being lazy. Hey, honesty's the best policy, right?
In any cae, I could say that I'm grateful to be knowledgable enough to know this is how my body reacts to being a woman, and its womanly responsibilities. Just your every day "normal" activities.
What I'm actually going to say that I'm grateful for is the medicine I take to help me deal with my "womanly responsibiliites." How selfish is that?! I'm okay with that today though. I don't get to be selfish that often, and with something as wonderful as medicine, I think I'm in the clear. This particular medicine, Midrin, has worked wonders on my migranes. I honestly don't know how I was able to deal with the migranes before. I LOVE THIS STUFF!
In all seriousness though, medical breakthroughs should be given the proper gratitude they deserve. How many of us will take an ibuprofen just to calm down some muscle soreness. Or what about something more serious? Although there is no "cure" yet, chemotherapy and radiation have worked miracles from some cancer patients. The H1N1 virus was quickly taken care of by vaccines. If you can't tell, I'm a huge believer in the power and trust that comes with the medical world. There are obviously touchy subjects that are better left to be kept in my own mind, but without proper medical treatments, Ellie may not have made it through childbirth considering she was breech, and I had to have a c-section. Thanks to the post-natal medicines for discomfort directly after she was born, I was able to be a mother to her much more quickly than I had anticpated.
So, in closing, I just want to say that medicine is a wonderful thing if used properly. It can also be a very dangerous thing if given in the wrong amounts or to the "wrong" person. There is an immense amount of trust that is taken for granted when a person takes any type of medicine. I don't know where I would be or what type of life/situation I would be living had medicine not played a role.
Good night.
Okay, now that that's out of the way, I may be able to focus long enough to get a decent entry in this evening. You see, my monthly "calendar" is starting to take its effects on me, and consequently, I'm getting the migranes. This one is honestly my own fault because I've been feeling it all day, and I didn't actually take anything because I was being lazy. Hey, honesty's the best policy, right?
In any cae, I could say that I'm grateful to be knowledgable enough to know this is how my body reacts to being a woman, and its womanly responsibilities. Just your every day "normal" activities.
What I'm actually going to say that I'm grateful for is the medicine I take to help me deal with my "womanly responsibiliites." How selfish is that?! I'm okay with that today though. I don't get to be selfish that often, and with something as wonderful as medicine, I think I'm in the clear. This particular medicine, Midrin, has worked wonders on my migranes. I honestly don't know how I was able to deal with the migranes before. I LOVE THIS STUFF!
In all seriousness though, medical breakthroughs should be given the proper gratitude they deserve. How many of us will take an ibuprofen just to calm down some muscle soreness. Or what about something more serious? Although there is no "cure" yet, chemotherapy and radiation have worked miracles from some cancer patients. The H1N1 virus was quickly taken care of by vaccines. If you can't tell, I'm a huge believer in the power and trust that comes with the medical world. There are obviously touchy subjects that are better left to be kept in my own mind, but without proper medical treatments, Ellie may not have made it through childbirth considering she was breech, and I had to have a c-section. Thanks to the post-natal medicines for discomfort directly after she was born, I was able to be a mother to her much more quickly than I had anticpated.
So, in closing, I just want to say that medicine is a wonderful thing if used properly. It can also be a very dangerous thing if given in the wrong amounts or to the "wrong" person. There is an immense amount of trust that is taken for granted when a person takes any type of medicine. I don't know where I would be or what type of life/situation I would be living had medicine not played a role.
Good night.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
January 17, 2010
I am more tired today than I have been in a long while. There was nothing spectacular today, nothing overwhelming that would make me feel as if I have no energy left. I'm just tired. Some times your body just knows when it needs to slow down.
Earlier today, I got to pick up Ellie from my friends house. It was so wonderful hearing her voice and feeling her little arms around my neck during our hug. To hear her tell me "I missed you so much," brought tears to my eyes. I knew I missed her during my time away from her, but I haden't realized how much so until I was with her again. She is my everything. God blessed me with this amazing little child. She intelligent and spunky. She's beautiful and charming. She's got her own personality, yet she tries to be like mommy and daddy. My love for her grew exponentially today, if that's possible.
I hadn't realized how blessed I was by motherhood. I knew it had changed me, and I know a lot of those changes were positive. Everything about my life, everything that I'm grateful for, I've come to realize, eventually falls down to Ellie. I used to think that I didn't want to have any children; that I was too selfish for children and that I wanted to enjoy MY life as long as I possibly could. Now, I know how empty I would be right now if Ellie had not come into my life. I've had dreams and ambitions that would get me going in the morning, but eventually fall by the wayside. When it comes to Ellie though, its never changing. Its almost as if my feelings for her are getting progressively stronger each and every day. I am more and more emphatically grateful to God for giving me this blessing. I know how many couple out there would honestly give everything they could to have a child, and God blessed me with this little angel (at times... )
I can't ever imagine my life without her in it. She is everything to me, and will be for the rest of my life. I read a story to her this evening that I think every parent should read, titled "I'll Love you Forever." Short but very sweet and passionate, it has quickly become my new favorite story to read to her. It embodies everything that I feel for her.
"A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for." --Author Unknown
Earlier today, I got to pick up Ellie from my friends house. It was so wonderful hearing her voice and feeling her little arms around my neck during our hug. To hear her tell me "I missed you so much," brought tears to my eyes. I knew I missed her during my time away from her, but I haden't realized how much so until I was with her again. She is my everything. God blessed me with this amazing little child. She intelligent and spunky. She's beautiful and charming. She's got her own personality, yet she tries to be like mommy and daddy. My love for her grew exponentially today, if that's possible.
I hadn't realized how blessed I was by motherhood. I knew it had changed me, and I know a lot of those changes were positive. Everything about my life, everything that I'm grateful for, I've come to realize, eventually falls down to Ellie. I used to think that I didn't want to have any children; that I was too selfish for children and that I wanted to enjoy MY life as long as I possibly could. Now, I know how empty I would be right now if Ellie had not come into my life. I've had dreams and ambitions that would get me going in the morning, but eventually fall by the wayside. When it comes to Ellie though, its never changing. Its almost as if my feelings for her are getting progressively stronger each and every day. I am more and more emphatically grateful to God for giving me this blessing. I know how many couple out there would honestly give everything they could to have a child, and God blessed me with this little angel (at times... )
I can't ever imagine my life without her in it. She is everything to me, and will be for the rest of my life. I read a story to her this evening that I think every parent should read, titled "I'll Love you Forever." Short but very sweet and passionate, it has quickly become my new favorite story to read to her. It embodies everything that I feel for her.
"A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for." --Author Unknown
Saturday, January 16, 2010
January 16, 2010
There is nothing I could be more grateful for today than the simple fact that my husband and I made it safely home. This was a surprisingly pleasant trip and it went swiftly. There were moments of silence, but they weren't awkward. I used those moments to contemplate different things around me, what lies ahead of me, the strength of my faith, etc. I would observe the scenery and think that God is an artist, and that those who paint His work are mere amatures. Tom and I would have conversations about anything that came to mind and we both revealed a number of things to one another. Never anything major or life changing, but little interesting quirks about each other.
Making it home almost 2 hours ahead of schedule was also a nice surprise. We were able to get the car completely unpacked AND watch a movie. There were no major complications with our trip, and that in and of itself, should speak volumes. I'm very proud of myself for not losing my temper, but when I look back at the past few days, I don't really remember a time that I would have. So much, and yet, so little has happened in the past three days. Through it all, we're still here to be blessed with (hopefully) many more days and weeks and years, full of adventures, memories and moments of trial.
I don't know that I would jump up and be ready to do this trip again in the near future, because, lets be honest, that's a lot of time in a car. But I wouldn't mind doing it again at some point in the future. I look forward to being able to take Ellie on road trips to see the country and have memories of quality family time. Tom and I had the wonderful opportunity to connect with one another again, and that was quality time that had been in dire need. No one can speak positively enough about the power of true quality time.
In closing, my gratitude is faced towards having rekindled a connection with my husband as well as our safety and health being maintained throughout the trip.
"It is so very late that we
May call it early by and by. Good night. " -- William Shakespear, Romeo and Juliet
Making it home almost 2 hours ahead of schedule was also a nice surprise. We were able to get the car completely unpacked AND watch a movie. There were no major complications with our trip, and that in and of itself, should speak volumes. I'm very proud of myself for not losing my temper, but when I look back at the past few days, I don't really remember a time that I would have. So much, and yet, so little has happened in the past three days. Through it all, we're still here to be blessed with (hopefully) many more days and weeks and years, full of adventures, memories and moments of trial.
I don't know that I would jump up and be ready to do this trip again in the near future, because, lets be honest, that's a lot of time in a car. But I wouldn't mind doing it again at some point in the future. I look forward to being able to take Ellie on road trips to see the country and have memories of quality family time. Tom and I had the wonderful opportunity to connect with one another again, and that was quality time that had been in dire need. No one can speak positively enough about the power of true quality time.
In closing, my gratitude is faced towards having rekindled a connection with my husband as well as our safety and health being maintained throughout the trip.
"It is so very late that we
May call it early by and by. Good night. " -- William Shakespear, Romeo and Juliet
January 15, 2010
This evening I'm writing to you from a hotel in east Memphis, Tennessee. 12 hours of driving down, about 13 more to go. The trip has gone pretty smoothly, and alternating driving time with Tom has helped considerably with the passing time. He actually drive for six hours which was really nice considering I got to get some pretty good sleep for two hours. The first part of the trip was my duty to drive and it was boring. There was plenty of daylight so Tom got to read his book. I got to jam out to some good ole country. The next portion was Tom's, so we listened to NPR for SIX HOURS!!! Wow. That's a lot of talking. The next portion, the final portion, was my turn again. This is where my gratitude came in.
Earlier on NPR, a writer of a magazine article came "out of the closet." Her secret was her faith. That led to some very good discussions between Tom and me. We had some very entertaining conversations that had nothing to do with religion, and the subjecct eventually moved on to the spiritual world. We spoke about ghosts, angels and demons... we spoke about God, and what He meant to us. We spoke about the various religions of the world and how extremists destroy the truth behind the religion. We spoke about how the die-hard atheists and the emphatic evangelistic religious pracitioners have made it impossible for normal, every day christians to be proud about their religions.
It was wonderful being able to speak so openly and freely with him about such a tough subject in our home. It made my four hours fly by and we learned quite a bit about one another. This trip is definitely turning into a trip of spousal discovery. That could be taken with a smile, but you all know what I mean. There were topics breached that normally made us both very uncomfortable, and today, they seemed to flow freely, without any effort to try at all. I'm grateful that my mother suggested we make this trip together, sans baby. I'm grateful that the comfort level between my husband and I has grown yet again. And finally, I'm grateful that God has let us make the choice to find one another once again.
Good night.
**note: this was written on the 15th, but wasn't inputed into the journal until the 16th when I had an internet connection.
Earlier on NPR, a writer of a magazine article came "out of the closet." Her secret was her faith. That led to some very good discussions between Tom and me. We had some very entertaining conversations that had nothing to do with religion, and the subjecct eventually moved on to the spiritual world. We spoke about ghosts, angels and demons... we spoke about God, and what He meant to us. We spoke about the various religions of the world and how extremists destroy the truth behind the religion. We spoke about how the die-hard atheists and the emphatic evangelistic religious pracitioners have made it impossible for normal, every day christians to be proud about their religions.
It was wonderful being able to speak so openly and freely with him about such a tough subject in our home. It made my four hours fly by and we learned quite a bit about one another. This trip is definitely turning into a trip of spousal discovery. That could be taken with a smile, but you all know what I mean. There were topics breached that normally made us both very uncomfortable, and today, they seemed to flow freely, without any effort to try at all. I'm grateful that my mother suggested we make this trip together, sans baby. I'm grateful that the comfort level between my husband and I has grown yet again. And finally, I'm grateful that God has let us make the choice to find one another once again.
Good night.
**note: this was written on the 15th, but wasn't inputed into the journal until the 16th when I had an internet connection.
January 15, 2010
This evening I'm writing to you from a hotel in east Memphis, Tennessee. 12 hours of driving down, about 13 more to go. The trip has gone pretty smoothly, and alternating driving time with Tom has helped considerably with the passing time. He actually drive for six hours which was really nice considering I got to get some pretty good sleep for two hours. The first part of the trip was my duty to drive and it was boring. There was plenty of daylight so Tom got to read his book. I got to jam out to some good ole country. The next portion was Tom's, so we listened to NPR for SIX HOURS!!! Wow. That's a lot of talking. The next portion, the final portion, was my turn again. This is where my gratitude came in.
Earlier on NPR, a writer of a magazine article came "out of the closet." Her secret was her faith. That led to some very good discussions between Tom and me. We had some very entertaining conversations that had nothing to do with religion, and the subjecct eventually moved on to the spiritual world. We spoke about ghosts, angels and demons... we spoke about God, and what He meant to us. We spoke about the various religions of the world and how extremists destroy the truth behind the religion. We spoke about how the die-hard atheists and the emphatic evangelistic religious pracitioners have made it impossible for normal, every day christians to be proud about their religions.
It was wonderful being able to speak so openly and freely with him about such a tough subject in our home. It made my four hours fly by and we learned quite a bit about one another. This trip is definitely turning into a trip of spousal discovery. That could be taken with a smile, but you all know what I mean. There were topics breached that normally made us both very uncomfortable, and today, they seemed to flow freely, without any effort to try at all. I'm grateful that my mother suggested we make this trip together, sans baby. I'm grateful that the comfort level between my husband and I has grown yet again. And finally, I'm grateful that God has let us make the choice to find one another once again.
Good night.
**note: this was written on the 15th, but wasn't inputed into the journal until the 16th when I had an internet connection.
Earlier on NPR, a writer of a magazine article came "out of the closet." Her secret was her faith. That led to some very good discussions between Tom and me. We had some very entertaining conversations that had nothing to do with religion, and the subjecct eventually moved on to the spiritual world. We spoke about ghosts, angels and demons... we spoke about God, and what He meant to us. We spoke about the various religions of the world and how extremists destroy the truth behind the religion. We spoke about how the die-hard atheists and the emphatic evangelistic religious pracitioners have made it impossible for normal, every day christians to be proud about their religions.
It was wonderful being able to speak so openly and freely with him about such a tough subject in our home. It made my four hours fly by and we learned quite a bit about one another. This trip is definitely turning into a trip of spousal discovery. That could be taken with a smile, but you all know what I mean. There were topics breached that normally made us both very uncomfortable, and today, they seemed to flow freely, without any effort to try at all. I'm grateful that my mother suggested we make this trip together, sans baby. I'm grateful that the comfort level between my husband and I has grown yet again. And finally, I'm grateful that God has let us make the choice to find one another once again.
Good night.
**note: this was written on the 15th, but wasn't inputed into the journal until the 16th when I had an internet connection.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
January 14, 2010
I'm very happy with the way today turned out. The flight went smoothly and we had a very great family night playing "Just Dance" for Wii. I wouldn't feel right if I didn't mention how much I missed Ellie today, but that's not the focus of this journal.
I had so much fun today with my family! My sister brought over a new game, and I haven't laughed that hard in years. It was such a nice release. Just sitting around, enjoying pizza and chicken wings, being goofy and playing around. My grandmother even mentioned how much she's been enjoying this blog, which helps "feed the fire" for me to keep writing. My gratitude definitely goes toward being able to be blessed enough to be able to spend quality time with my family.
Being with my family is much more about the quality versus the quantity. It has to be. I'm the long distant family member. We have to make the best of the situation, so when I do get to come home, my family always makes me feel welcome and relaxed. We enjoy one another's company. They make Tom feel just as much of the family as if he were born into it. That means more to me than everything.
I'm not sure today could have gone any better except maybe if Ellie were here, but I'll take the great days when I can get them!
"Dreams permit each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives."-- William Dement
Good night.
I had so much fun today with my family! My sister brought over a new game, and I haven't laughed that hard in years. It was such a nice release. Just sitting around, enjoying pizza and chicken wings, being goofy and playing around. My grandmother even mentioned how much she's been enjoying this blog, which helps "feed the fire" for me to keep writing. My gratitude definitely goes toward being able to be blessed enough to be able to spend quality time with my family.
Being with my family is much more about the quality versus the quantity. It has to be. I'm the long distant family member. We have to make the best of the situation, so when I do get to come home, my family always makes me feel welcome and relaxed. We enjoy one another's company. They make Tom feel just as much of the family as if he were born into it. That means more to me than everything.
I'm not sure today could have gone any better except maybe if Ellie were here, but I'll take the great days when I can get them!
"Dreams permit each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives."-- William Dement
Good night.
January 13th's revelation...
Yesterday evening I wrote a very quick entry into this journal. I would like to expand on what happened after I closed out the entry and attempted to go to bed. I had no idea the power of what this journal has had over me. Before I continue, let me just say that this is a postive revelation. My entry last night was simple, with very little thought involved. It got the point across to the most basic ideas of what this journal is for.
When I was heading off to sleep, I realized though that I still had things on my mind. I realized that I've been using this journal as a stress relief. A place to get all the negative thoughts out, while maintaining all of the postive thoughts in. I know now that I can't do that in a couple of short sentences. I have come to find out that ths journal is an outlet for my negative energy to pass through. I put some deep thought into what I write for the most part, and those deep thoughts are what keep my mind clear before I go to bed.
I actually went to bed trying to FORCE myself into thinking of the positive things that happened, and it just wasn't working. All those little nagging thoughts of what didn't happen, or what went wrong kept creeping in and leaving me feeling frustrated and emotionally drained. I simply couldn't unwind. I believe that this journal may have become a sort of crutch to give myself that every day release. Some people meditate; I blog. I had started think I was doing this more for others, to show that there are positive things to think about when it feels the world has turned upside-down. I know with 100% certainty that this is now more for me than ever before. Keeping this journal as done more than just help me focus on the positive things, it's helped me destress in ways I didn't think I needed.
I've attempted journaling before, but never really got a release out of it. I would write poems and short stories as a creative outlet, but it never really kept me. I would jot down my thought and things that happened in the day, but that too never really kept me. It seems that, having this very specific purpose, and given me reason to keep writing. I think my sanity may be at stake here. I know now that if my evening needs to be cut short, for whatever the reason, I need to write my entry earlier so that I can get those negative thoughts out!
I'm actually writing this on the plane, on the way to MD and its giving me a very intense feeling of satisfaction. As if, yesterday's entry was left incomplete. There wasn't really anything to expand upon within the entry itself, but a realization afterwards.
Again, it's the little things that count.
When I was heading off to sleep, I realized though that I still had things on my mind. I realized that I've been using this journal as a stress relief. A place to get all the negative thoughts out, while maintaining all of the postive thoughts in. I know now that I can't do that in a couple of short sentences. I have come to find out that ths journal is an outlet for my negative energy to pass through. I put some deep thought into what I write for the most part, and those deep thoughts are what keep my mind clear before I go to bed.
I actually went to bed trying to FORCE myself into thinking of the positive things that happened, and it just wasn't working. All those little nagging thoughts of what didn't happen, or what went wrong kept creeping in and leaving me feeling frustrated and emotionally drained. I simply couldn't unwind. I believe that this journal may have become a sort of crutch to give myself that every day release. Some people meditate; I blog. I had started think I was doing this more for others, to show that there are positive things to think about when it feels the world has turned upside-down. I know with 100% certainty that this is now more for me than ever before. Keeping this journal as done more than just help me focus on the positive things, it's helped me destress in ways I didn't think I needed.
I've attempted journaling before, but never really got a release out of it. I would write poems and short stories as a creative outlet, but it never really kept me. I would jot down my thought and things that happened in the day, but that too never really kept me. It seems that, having this very specific purpose, and given me reason to keep writing. I think my sanity may be at stake here. I know now that if my evening needs to be cut short, for whatever the reason, I need to write my entry earlier so that I can get those negative thoughts out!
I'm actually writing this on the plane, on the way to MD and its giving me a very intense feeling of satisfaction. As if, yesterday's entry was left incomplete. There wasn't really anything to expand upon within the entry itself, but a realization afterwards.
Again, it's the little things that count.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
January 13, 2010
Unfortunately, today is going to be very quick. You see, I have a 0545 flight tomorrow morning and its already 11:30 at night, so yea, I need to get some sleep.
There are two main people I would like to announce my gratitude for. Holly and Lydia. Both are both doing major favors for Tom and me by allowing some of our family members to stay with them while we drive the car back from TX. Holly is taking the pups and Lydia is taking Ellie. Both have some major challenges ahead of them, but honestly, I don't know what kind of situation we would be in had they not offered. They made today much easier to get through considering I knew the munchkin and the pups would be in good hands.
So thank you guys!
Good night.
There are two main people I would like to announce my gratitude for. Holly and Lydia. Both are both doing major favors for Tom and me by allowing some of our family members to stay with them while we drive the car back from TX. Holly is taking the pups and Lydia is taking Ellie. Both have some major challenges ahead of them, but honestly, I don't know what kind of situation we would be in had they not offered. They made today much easier to get through considering I knew the munchkin and the pups would be in good hands.
So thank you guys!
Good night.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
January 12, 2010
There are numerous things I could talk about today. So much and so many pleasant things happened today. It started by waking up in a good mood. I'm planning on giving a synopsis of the day, but I think my actual topic today is going to about my gratitude towards positive thinking and the power it has over a person.
The day started with dog poop. I know, I know. Not the thing you'd expect me to say. But what makes that even better, is it was in the house. This is how I knew I was actually in a good mood. Normally, that kind of thing sets me off immediately, and of course I wasn't thrilled it happened, I wasn't upset. I just cleaned it up and went on about the morning as if it were just some other little thing. After some cleaning, we had a play date here and there was a total of 6 kids (including Ellie) and 5 adults (if you count Tom who was just simply in the house...). Things went very smoothly and that eventually closed up around noon so the kiddos could get their naps in. After we got Ellie down, I had doctor's appt. I made it there with plenty of time to spare considering I left really early. The problem with our hospital on post is that the parking is hellacious since they've got all the contruction going on. I found a spot almost immediately. Anyway, got through the appt and at the very end I found out I will probably have to have surgery on my left hand to remove what could potentially be a debilitating cyst from the inside of my thumb. I'll admit that's not the best news. After that I picked up Tom and Ellie, we went to the PX and got her a sleeping bag, ate dinner, and proceeded with the night time/ bed time routine.
Through all of that I never really felt anxious or irritated. Those who know me best know how quickly I engage those two particular emotions. When I woke up this morning, I was thinking that I couldn't be in a bad mood because I had company coming over. I told myself that today was going to be a good day and things would go smoothly. And they did. Of the hitches I did run into, they didn't seem to bother me. I started thinking that maybe if you tell yourself that there are going to be positive things that happen to yourself, that its possible to be a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. You start doing things that would promote more positive occurances. Everyone wants an overdose on seratonin, but no one knows how to get it. Putting the right mindset to my day first thing really did help me. I didn't think it would have the impact it did, but even right now, I'm still in a very contented mood.
I am grateful today for being capable to allow positive thinking guide my day.
"Warm summer shine, shine kindly here. Warm southern wind, blow softly here. Green sod above, lie light, light light. Good night, dear Heart, good night, good night." -- Mark Twain
The day started with dog poop. I know, I know. Not the thing you'd expect me to say. But what makes that even better, is it was in the house. This is how I knew I was actually in a good mood. Normally, that kind of thing sets me off immediately, and of course I wasn't thrilled it happened, I wasn't upset. I just cleaned it up and went on about the morning as if it were just some other little thing. After some cleaning, we had a play date here and there was a total of 6 kids (including Ellie) and 5 adults (if you count Tom who was just simply in the house...). Things went very smoothly and that eventually closed up around noon so the kiddos could get their naps in. After we got Ellie down, I had doctor's appt. I made it there with plenty of time to spare considering I left really early. The problem with our hospital on post is that the parking is hellacious since they've got all the contruction going on. I found a spot almost immediately. Anyway, got through the appt and at the very end I found out I will probably have to have surgery on my left hand to remove what could potentially be a debilitating cyst from the inside of my thumb. I'll admit that's not the best news. After that I picked up Tom and Ellie, we went to the PX and got her a sleeping bag, ate dinner, and proceeded with the night time/ bed time routine.
Through all of that I never really felt anxious or irritated. Those who know me best know how quickly I engage those two particular emotions. When I woke up this morning, I was thinking that I couldn't be in a bad mood because I had company coming over. I told myself that today was going to be a good day and things would go smoothly. And they did. Of the hitches I did run into, they didn't seem to bother me. I started thinking that maybe if you tell yourself that there are going to be positive things that happen to yourself, that its possible to be a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. You start doing things that would promote more positive occurances. Everyone wants an overdose on seratonin, but no one knows how to get it. Putting the right mindset to my day first thing really did help me. I didn't think it would have the impact it did, but even right now, I'm still in a very contented mood.
I am grateful today for being capable to allow positive thinking guide my day.
"Warm summer shine, shine kindly here. Warm southern wind, blow softly here. Green sod above, lie light, light light. Good night, dear Heart, good night, good night." -- Mark Twain
Monday, January 11, 2010
January 11, 2010
Today was a good time. Things went smoothly. Once again, we had to take Ellie to the doc and he gave us some suggestions to hopefully help her cough. I got to have some girl time and went a book club to discuss my latest reading endeavour.
I actually want to make note today of my gratitude to my parents. A lot of parenting ideas were brought up within the discussions of the book, and of course I not only thought about how I'm raising Ellie, but of how I was raised. My parents are the reason I'm grateful today. I didn't choose them, but I thank God he chose them for me.
They did what they thought was best for us. They were young and playing things by ear with three young children hanging on their pants' legs. The frustration levels were high as well as the stress, and yet, I don't really remember any of that. I remember being allowed to play in the front yard of my grandmother's house and climbing the tree. I remember Mom constantly telling me how wrong it was to lie. I remember my father finding creative ways to make appendages "stop hurting."
I remember being disciplined... a lot. I remember thinking numerous times that I wanted to run away. I remember thinking that Mom loved Mandi best because she was the oldest, and Dad loved TJ best because he was the only boy. I remember thinking that I was left out.
I am realizing now how wrong I was with that negative thinking. My parents loved me just as much as my brother and sister. I realize now that I just wanted more attention to simply have more attention. When I excelled in school and academics, my parents always celebrated. When I would compete in sporting events, my parents made the effort to get there if they could.
Its sad to think that I ever thought like that. I assume that those are just normal, middle-child thoughts. I am worried that if I do ever have another child, I don't ever want them to feel that I'm not giving enough. I realize how much my parents gave me. Of course as a child, since it wasn't tangible for the most part, it didn't count. As an adult, and parent to boot, I realize that the things my parents gave me that were worth anything were the intangible lessons and personality traits they helped to encourage. They encouraged me to be of good moral standings, someone who doesn't lie, cheat or steal. Someone who cares for others before myself.
My mother is a woman I am proud to resemble, both physically and through my actions/words. I know I follow my father's personality almost to the letter, and I'm okay with that. Because of this, I'm not nervous in front of crowds, I like to be around people, and I'm extroverted. I enjoy my life. I am happy that I am enough like my parents that my daughter will have some sense of them through me. I do really wish she could spend more time with my parents, but as a military family, we will make the best of that obstacle as we can. There are so many positive traits that I could talk about my parents, but I wouldn't want to embarrass them!
So for now, I would like everyone to know how thankful I am for how my parents raised me and letting me know how much they love me. Love is something that can never be replaced, only added to. Knowing I have the love of my parents is a fullfilling emotion. I can only hope that Ellie feels that as she gets older.
Today is done. Tomorrow is another one.
Good night.
I actually want to make note today of my gratitude to my parents. A lot of parenting ideas were brought up within the discussions of the book, and of course I not only thought about how I'm raising Ellie, but of how I was raised. My parents are the reason I'm grateful today. I didn't choose them, but I thank God he chose them for me.
They did what they thought was best for us. They were young and playing things by ear with three young children hanging on their pants' legs. The frustration levels were high as well as the stress, and yet, I don't really remember any of that. I remember being allowed to play in the front yard of my grandmother's house and climbing the tree. I remember Mom constantly telling me how wrong it was to lie. I remember my father finding creative ways to make appendages "stop hurting."
I remember being disciplined... a lot. I remember thinking numerous times that I wanted to run away. I remember thinking that Mom loved Mandi best because she was the oldest, and Dad loved TJ best because he was the only boy. I remember thinking that I was left out.
I am realizing now how wrong I was with that negative thinking. My parents loved me just as much as my brother and sister. I realize now that I just wanted more attention to simply have more attention. When I excelled in school and academics, my parents always celebrated. When I would compete in sporting events, my parents made the effort to get there if they could.
Its sad to think that I ever thought like that. I assume that those are just normal, middle-child thoughts. I am worried that if I do ever have another child, I don't ever want them to feel that I'm not giving enough. I realize how much my parents gave me. Of course as a child, since it wasn't tangible for the most part, it didn't count. As an adult, and parent to boot, I realize that the things my parents gave me that were worth anything were the intangible lessons and personality traits they helped to encourage. They encouraged me to be of good moral standings, someone who doesn't lie, cheat or steal. Someone who cares for others before myself.
My mother is a woman I am proud to resemble, both physically and through my actions/words. I know I follow my father's personality almost to the letter, and I'm okay with that. Because of this, I'm not nervous in front of crowds, I like to be around people, and I'm extroverted. I enjoy my life. I am happy that I am enough like my parents that my daughter will have some sense of them through me. I do really wish she could spend more time with my parents, but as a military family, we will make the best of that obstacle as we can. There are so many positive traits that I could talk about my parents, but I wouldn't want to embarrass them!
So for now, I would like everyone to know how thankful I am for how my parents raised me and letting me know how much they love me. Love is something that can never be replaced, only added to. Knowing I have the love of my parents is a fullfilling emotion. I can only hope that Ellie feels that as she gets older.
Today is done. Tomorrow is another one.
Good night.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
January 10, 2010
I think for the moment, I will pick something very specific to be grateful for today. My previous entries have been more-or-less deep and thoughtful, revelations to my psyche. I'd like to say that today went by without a hitch, but I'd be lyinig. Today was definitely a test.
So, in order to keep with the positive thinking, I'm going to pick specific moments versus general ideas for today's entry. One thing I'm very grateful for is that a new and wonderful friend has agreed to take our TWO dogs into her home and watch them for us while we drive the car back from MD. Mind you, this is no small task. Watching any other person's dogs is never a so-called "easy" thing to do. I've very appreciative and grateful that she's willing to do this.
Also today, Tom took out the trash that I kept piling at the front door to the dumpster. I hate taking the trash out, so whenever Tom takes it out for me, whether I've asked him to or he's done it on his own accord (because he can't walk out of the door without pushing the trash out of the way) =), I am grateful for that. I'm sure he knows my abhoration about taking the trash out, but I made sure to thank him for it regardless.
Today is done, tomorrow is another one. Sometimes, its the little things that get you from day to day. Not all big events are important, nor are all important events big. Just a thought.
Good night.
So, in order to keep with the positive thinking, I'm going to pick specific moments versus general ideas for today's entry. One thing I'm very grateful for is that a new and wonderful friend has agreed to take our TWO dogs into her home and watch them for us while we drive the car back from MD. Mind you, this is no small task. Watching any other person's dogs is never a so-called "easy" thing to do. I've very appreciative and grateful that she's willing to do this.
Also today, Tom took out the trash that I kept piling at the front door to the dumpster. I hate taking the trash out, so whenever Tom takes it out for me, whether I've asked him to or he's done it on his own accord (because he can't walk out of the door without pushing the trash out of the way) =), I am grateful for that. I'm sure he knows my abhoration about taking the trash out, but I made sure to thank him for it regardless.
Today is done, tomorrow is another one. Sometimes, its the little things that get you from day to day. Not all big events are important, nor are all important events big. Just a thought.
Good night.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
January 9, 2010
With only 6 minutes to spare before midnight, I need to write down my thoughts of gratitude quickly! I was thinking about Tom again. With his impending "year long leave" (as I've been referring to it), he's constantly on my mind and how much I'm going to miss him. I was laying in bed with Ellie trying to get her to sleep when I started thinking about Tom's car. I know, random. In any case, I noticed that it doesn't smell as cigarette-ish as it normally does, and I presume that's simply because he doesn't drive back and forth to worth since he's on block leave. This is where the gratitude comes in. Having been a smoker before, I know how difficult it is to break from your habitual smoking places. For me, it was driving in the car for long periods. For Tom, the car is also an issue. He was also getting close to a cigarette an hour.
Since Ellie has had her cold, I've asked Tom to cut back on how much he's smoking, in the chance the smoke is effecting her cold. I've also asked him to switch to a leather jacket when he does smoke outside because leather doesn't hold onto odors as much at cotton fabrics. And although he doesn't remember every time, he does try. He never smokes with Ellie in the car. He will actually ask me if before we go somewhere, when he knows he's going to be driving, if he can have a cigarette first. He did this today, and it annoyed me to be honest.
Looking back though, I've realized he is actually trying to be considerate of my wishes. I know he's not ready to quit, and until he is, he'll never completely quit, regardless of how many well intended attempts. He is attempting to compromise with me on the smoking, and I'm only now realizing it. So, firstly, I'm grateful that I've married a man who has learned and is willing to try to compromise with a stubborn wife...
The other thing is very simple. In the mere 9 evenings that I've been creating entries for this journal, I've noticed a change in myself. I accept that I annoy easily. But, at the end of the day, I'm letting all those little things go. Having this journal forces me to see the positive things that are going on around me. Those are the things that I should be focusing on.
Today is done, tomorrow is another one. I remember a scene from a movie. It was similar to this: "You never see the times you fight in photo albums. Just the times you smile. And yet, its those times you weren't smiling that actually made you stronger." You can only learn through experience. If you aren't learning anything, you aren't moving forward.
Good night.
Since Ellie has had her cold, I've asked Tom to cut back on how much he's smoking, in the chance the smoke is effecting her cold. I've also asked him to switch to a leather jacket when he does smoke outside because leather doesn't hold onto odors as much at cotton fabrics. And although he doesn't remember every time, he does try. He never smokes with Ellie in the car. He will actually ask me if before we go somewhere, when he knows he's going to be driving, if he can have a cigarette first. He did this today, and it annoyed me to be honest.
Looking back though, I've realized he is actually trying to be considerate of my wishes. I know he's not ready to quit, and until he is, he'll never completely quit, regardless of how many well intended attempts. He is attempting to compromise with me on the smoking, and I'm only now realizing it. So, firstly, I'm grateful that I've married a man who has learned and is willing to try to compromise with a stubborn wife...
The other thing is very simple. In the mere 9 evenings that I've been creating entries for this journal, I've noticed a change in myself. I accept that I annoy easily. But, at the end of the day, I'm letting all those little things go. Having this journal forces me to see the positive things that are going on around me. Those are the things that I should be focusing on.
Today is done, tomorrow is another one. I remember a scene from a movie. It was similar to this: "You never see the times you fight in photo albums. Just the times you smile. And yet, its those times you weren't smiling that actually made you stronger." You can only learn through experience. If you aren't learning anything, you aren't moving forward.
Good night.
Friday, January 8, 2010
January 8, 2010
Today I've had a lot to contemplate. A friend of mine just told me he is being medically retired from his job because of some medical results. He's 24. He's the picture of health if you look at him physically. Very lean, very in tuned with his body and mind. This was a huge blow for him. He's taking it in stride though. He doesn't seem to be too downtrodden about the situation. Granted, that's in front of company, but what he does behind closed doors, and the emotions he withholds from public view are his choice.
How I would I have reacted to the same news? I have no idea. Right now, I'm inclined to believe that I would think pessimistically. I would think about the negative outcomes.
I just had to take a break because Ellie has been coughing so much recently her sore throat woke her up in conjunction with the coughing. She has been fighting some upper respiratory ailment since Thanksgiving now. I had a cold not too long ago, but it lasted about a week.
What I'm getting at is that I'm grateful for my general health. There are so many things that seem to come out of nowhere in regards to our health, and for me not to count my blessings that I am healthy seems idiotic. My poor daughter has been fighting some sort of crazy cold for 5+weeks, and she barely ever complains. I am so grateful that my health allows me to take care of my daughter and husband.
Today is done. Tomorrow is another one. Without your faith (in whatever "spiritual" essence that may be), your health, and your "heart," nothing can be overcome.
Good night.
How I would I have reacted to the same news? I have no idea. Right now, I'm inclined to believe that I would think pessimistically. I would think about the negative outcomes.
I just had to take a break because Ellie has been coughing so much recently her sore throat woke her up in conjunction with the coughing. She has been fighting some upper respiratory ailment since Thanksgiving now. I had a cold not too long ago, but it lasted about a week.
What I'm getting at is that I'm grateful for my general health. There are so many things that seem to come out of nowhere in regards to our health, and for me not to count my blessings that I am healthy seems idiotic. My poor daughter has been fighting some sort of crazy cold for 5+weeks, and she barely ever complains. I am so grateful that my health allows me to take care of my daughter and husband.
Today is done. Tomorrow is another one. Without your faith (in whatever "spiritual" essence that may be), your health, and your "heart," nothing can be overcome.
Good night.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
January 7, 2010
This evening is going to be rather quick. I found a quote that I would like to share.
"Change is not an event, it is a process."
I have no idea who it came from, and when I was reading the article last week, I had no idea that this quote would still be on my mind! It has been though. With each and every entry, with every decision I'm making to change certain aspects of my lifestyle, this quote is sticking with me. As silly as it may seem, but I want to thank the editors of that magazine for putting the quote in there.
I've actually contemplate cross-stitching and framing this quote so I can see it every day. I want to be reminded of this. Just when I had made the conscious decision to really evaluate my life and start making some positive changes, this article, and this quote, fell into my lap, quite literally. I remember it was in the weekend paper! Oddly enough, the magazine that the article was in is a magazine I've never read before. It comes with the weekend paper every time, and yet I've never opened it. This one time, I did. I'm happy I did. It fits so well with everything that is going on with me.
Learning to accept change as a process instead of expecting immediate gratification goes hand in hand with my entry from yesterday and waiting for my patience to increase.
Today is done. Tomorrow is another one. Anything worth having is worth the wait.
Good night.
"Change is not an event, it is a process."
I have no idea who it came from, and when I was reading the article last week, I had no idea that this quote would still be on my mind! It has been though. With each and every entry, with every decision I'm making to change certain aspects of my lifestyle, this quote is sticking with me. As silly as it may seem, but I want to thank the editors of that magazine for putting the quote in there.
I've actually contemplate cross-stitching and framing this quote so I can see it every day. I want to be reminded of this. Just when I had made the conscious decision to really evaluate my life and start making some positive changes, this article, and this quote, fell into my lap, quite literally. I remember it was in the weekend paper! Oddly enough, the magazine that the article was in is a magazine I've never read before. It comes with the weekend paper every time, and yet I've never opened it. This one time, I did. I'm happy I did. It fits so well with everything that is going on with me.
Learning to accept change as a process instead of expecting immediate gratification goes hand in hand with my entry from yesterday and waiting for my patience to increase.
Today is done. Tomorrow is another one. Anything worth having is worth the wait.
Good night.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
January 6, 2010
My thoughts of gratitude today are of God. I was tested numerous times to withstand certain stressors and instead of getting as typically frustrated as I normally do, I started working on the bigger picture. I started asking myself, "Is this really something that needs that much energy, especially negative energy?" "Is this something that in 20 minutes, I'm going to be over it, or have forgotten why I was frustrated in the first place?"
I kept my mouth shut as best I could to keep myself from getting worked up, and looking back on the day, it wasn't for me to ask for patience. It was to accept the situations and prove my own aptitude for patience. God works in interesting ways to let you see who you really are. I believe also, that He doesn't just "give" you something for nothing. Even His love has a price, and that's simply to accept Him. He wants you to know that he will never put you into a situation that you cannot come out of. That include the scenarios where you're body is left and your soul rises.
It has taken me a very long time to come to accept my faith. If for nothing else, I believe in Him simply because I don't think I could handle much of every day living and stresses without His help. You have to pushed to learn your limits, and He has pushed a number of limits of my life. In the meager 25 years I've been alive, patience is something that always seems a stone's throw away. I can touch it, but I can't hold it. I'm learning that, through His "opportunites," patience is something you have to, get this, be patient for. You have to be put through various stresses and obstacles to find out what you're honestly capable of.
Today is done, tomorrow is another one. Take each day as it's given to you. Accept any obstacles that come your way, and find the solution to overcome. No one is perfect, and accepting that is the first step. After that, it's working on those imperfections so you can be a person you're proud of.
Good night.
I kept my mouth shut as best I could to keep myself from getting worked up, and looking back on the day, it wasn't for me to ask for patience. It was to accept the situations and prove my own aptitude for patience. God works in interesting ways to let you see who you really are. I believe also, that He doesn't just "give" you something for nothing. Even His love has a price, and that's simply to accept Him. He wants you to know that he will never put you into a situation that you cannot come out of. That include the scenarios where you're body is left and your soul rises.
It has taken me a very long time to come to accept my faith. If for nothing else, I believe in Him simply because I don't think I could handle much of every day living and stresses without His help. You have to pushed to learn your limits, and He has pushed a number of limits of my life. In the meager 25 years I've been alive, patience is something that always seems a stone's throw away. I can touch it, but I can't hold it. I'm learning that, through His "opportunites," patience is something you have to, get this, be patient for. You have to be put through various stresses and obstacles to find out what you're honestly capable of.
Today is done, tomorrow is another one. Take each day as it's given to you. Accept any obstacles that come your way, and find the solution to overcome. No one is perfect, and accepting that is the first step. After that, it's working on those imperfections so you can be a person you're proud of.
Good night.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
January 5, 2010
I'm thrilled that today was such an "easy" day. I was able to finish a wonderful book, which I am highly recommending. It's "Three Weeks with my Brother," writtend by Nicholas and Michah Sparks. Nicholas Sparks is the same guy who wrote The Notebook and Nights in Rodanthe. This particular book is actually a biography about his trip around the world in three weeks with his brother. Although it was not necessarily a page-turner, it was very enjoyable.
I've been so anxious to finish reading it, and Tom gave me the opportunity to do so. Granted it was only 40 some pages, but that time let me finish it. He also watched Ellie for me so I could go to a Weight Watchers meeting. He was a lot more helpful today than I'm used to, and it was definitely noticed. He folded laundry, took over watching Ellie for a bit, consistently walked the dogs, made dinner and washed the dishes. Its actually the dish washing that I wanted to talk about though.
As odd as that may seem, a task so simple and mundane, I'm very particular about the dishes being clean. A habit I picked up from my mother. Its not one that I regret having either. I love the look of a clean and orderly kitchen. It makes me feel comfortable. I have a big issue when dishes are put into the dishwasher and come out with stuff still on them. Sometimes it's because the dishwasher is too full, others, are simply because the dang dishwasher isn't very reliable. Tom has heard me time and time again get frustrated with our dishwasher. Recently I've noticed we haven't really been having an issue with the dishes coming out crappy. He mentioned today though, and quite nonchalantly I might add, that he pre-washes/scrubs them with detergent/soap BEFORE he puts them in the dishwasher. That's going above and beyond what I even do. I will scrub them so no food is left on the dish, but not with soap.
I never realized the effort he was putting into this simple task. This effort, by the way, was only being put forth because of me, and to make me happy. I was thinking today about things that irritate me, and of course there are some habits of his I would love for him to quit, and I felt horrible that I was even concentrating on them. I remember being angry with him for something yesterday, and it took some real memory jogging to remember. I remember that I was angry with him all day because of it, and yet, it took me over fifteen minutes to remember it today. It made me realize how silly it is to hold on to something so small. Things pass. My mother always told me, "pick your battles," and in hindsight, I've realized how petty I've been, and the reasons leading up to my anger.
Tom never came out right and said, "Hey. Look at the extra effort I'm doing to make you happy." He just did it. Things like that are what I need to remember and concentrate on. The negative things will come and will just as quickly, go. Keeping in mind the things he does for me out of consideration of what actually make me happy and content... well, that should be a constant thought.
Today is done, tomorrow is another one. Forget about all the negative things that you don't want to deal with or even like about a person. If you can bring to memory just one pleasant thought or idea about that person, that relationship is worth it.
Good night.
I've been so anxious to finish reading it, and Tom gave me the opportunity to do so. Granted it was only 40 some pages, but that time let me finish it. He also watched Ellie for me so I could go to a Weight Watchers meeting. He was a lot more helpful today than I'm used to, and it was definitely noticed. He folded laundry, took over watching Ellie for a bit, consistently walked the dogs, made dinner and washed the dishes. Its actually the dish washing that I wanted to talk about though.
As odd as that may seem, a task so simple and mundane, I'm very particular about the dishes being clean. A habit I picked up from my mother. Its not one that I regret having either. I love the look of a clean and orderly kitchen. It makes me feel comfortable. I have a big issue when dishes are put into the dishwasher and come out with stuff still on them. Sometimes it's because the dishwasher is too full, others, are simply because the dang dishwasher isn't very reliable. Tom has heard me time and time again get frustrated with our dishwasher. Recently I've noticed we haven't really been having an issue with the dishes coming out crappy. He mentioned today though, and quite nonchalantly I might add, that he pre-washes/scrubs them with detergent/soap BEFORE he puts them in the dishwasher. That's going above and beyond what I even do. I will scrub them so no food is left on the dish, but not with soap.
I never realized the effort he was putting into this simple task. This effort, by the way, was only being put forth because of me, and to make me happy. I was thinking today about things that irritate me, and of course there are some habits of his I would love for him to quit, and I felt horrible that I was even concentrating on them. I remember being angry with him for something yesterday, and it took some real memory jogging to remember. I remember that I was angry with him all day because of it, and yet, it took me over fifteen minutes to remember it today. It made me realize how silly it is to hold on to something so small. Things pass. My mother always told me, "pick your battles," and in hindsight, I've realized how petty I've been, and the reasons leading up to my anger.
Tom never came out right and said, "Hey. Look at the extra effort I'm doing to make you happy." He just did it. Things like that are what I need to remember and concentrate on. The negative things will come and will just as quickly, go. Keeping in mind the things he does for me out of consideration of what actually make me happy and content... well, that should be a constant thought.
Today is done, tomorrow is another one. Forget about all the negative things that you don't want to deal with or even like about a person. If you can bring to memory just one pleasant thought or idea about that person, that relationship is worth it.
Good night.
Monday, January 4, 2010
January 4, 2010
I won't have any problem going through what I'm grateful for today! Today was a pleasant day and quite easy to swing through. Tom did marvelously helping me with Ellie today. I was cleaning like a madman for the better half of the day and he just played with Ellie to keep her occupied. There were moments when I would step in, but what momma doesn't want to spend time with her baby? He also took out all of the trash (and there was an annoying amount of it) without me even mentioning to take it out for me. It always makes me feel good when he helps out with little chores around the house. There is so little to do that doesn't fall under the "mommy" hat, it's nice to see him try.
Also, tonight we went to a friend's home for dinner. Her two children played marvelously with Ellie and I couldn't have asked for a more relaxing evening with friends. I could see Ellie taking to Katie much in the same way that she took to Addyson. She misses Addyson terribly, but I may have found a temporary replacement for between visits.
I'm learning to appreciate the days that seem so ordinary. They are much better and easier to get through that days that are constantly eventful. I am definitely tired today. I spent time cleaning, which always makes me feel better. I spent time with my husband and munchkin. I spent time with friends. What more could you ask you?
Today is done, tomorrow is another one. Enjoy every smile that crosses your path, even if you don't think it was sincere. At least the effort was made.
Good night.
Also, tonight we went to a friend's home for dinner. Her two children played marvelously with Ellie and I couldn't have asked for a more relaxing evening with friends. I could see Ellie taking to Katie much in the same way that she took to Addyson. She misses Addyson terribly, but I may have found a temporary replacement for between visits.
I'm learning to appreciate the days that seem so ordinary. They are much better and easier to get through that days that are constantly eventful. I am definitely tired today. I spent time cleaning, which always makes me feel better. I spent time with my husband and munchkin. I spent time with friends. What more could you ask you?
Today is done, tomorrow is another one. Enjoy every smile that crosses your path, even if you don't think it was sincere. At least the effort was made.
Good night.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
January 3, 2010
Although today wasn't entirely difficult to get through, I'm stuggling to find something to be grateful for, besides obvious things, such as my health, my family, so on and so forth. I'm running through the days events, and it just seems so ordinary. Just another day. I am upset at how quickly the little things that did affect me seem to stick out so predominately, and yet, nothing else stands out that I feel overly compelled to write about.
We had friends over for dinner. Nothing fancy, but three courses. A salad as a main course, a crescent roll wrapped brie round as a side/appetizer, and my chocolate brownie truffle for dessert. None of which took any real thinking to prepare, so I didn't expect too much when there weren't compliments flying from anyone's mouth.
Maybe I should be grateful that today was just an ordinary day. Maybe everyone needs an ordinary to really help the extraordinary days stand out in our memories decades from now. Maybe I should count my blessings instead of asking, "Why didn't anything happen today?" Murphy's Law could have happened. How hard would this entry be to write after that? My family is safe. I am safe. We have a roof over our heads and food on our table. We are not without. There is love in our hearts and joy in our souls. Today, I'm realizing is a day to be grateful for God's blessings. He leads us, and yet we don't realize we're following Him. He has taken the energy to keep my family and I out of harms way, and honestly, there is nothing I could be more grateful for. Another day with my daughter and husband. Another opportunity to call my mother or father. Another day to tease and jest with my brother and sister.
Health is so easily overlooked. I even noted that it was an "obvious blessing" earlier in this entry! How naieve I must be! Even if today was just an ordinary day, I am being given the opportunity to live.
Today is done, tomorrow is another one. Be kind to yourself and remember that your heart, physically and emotionally, need to be taken seriously. Remember that of all the ordinary things that happened to you, tomorrow could be extraordinary.
Good night.
We had friends over for dinner. Nothing fancy, but three courses. A salad as a main course, a crescent roll wrapped brie round as a side/appetizer, and my chocolate brownie truffle for dessert. None of which took any real thinking to prepare, so I didn't expect too much when there weren't compliments flying from anyone's mouth.
Maybe I should be grateful that today was just an ordinary day. Maybe everyone needs an ordinary to really help the extraordinary days stand out in our memories decades from now. Maybe I should count my blessings instead of asking, "Why didn't anything happen today?" Murphy's Law could have happened. How hard would this entry be to write after that? My family is safe. I am safe. We have a roof over our heads and food on our table. We are not without. There is love in our hearts and joy in our souls. Today, I'm realizing is a day to be grateful for God's blessings. He leads us, and yet we don't realize we're following Him. He has taken the energy to keep my family and I out of harms way, and honestly, there is nothing I could be more grateful for. Another day with my daughter and husband. Another opportunity to call my mother or father. Another day to tease and jest with my brother and sister.
Health is so easily overlooked. I even noted that it was an "obvious blessing" earlier in this entry! How naieve I must be! Even if today was just an ordinary day, I am being given the opportunity to live.
Today is done, tomorrow is another one. Be kind to yourself and remember that your heart, physically and emotionally, need to be taken seriously. Remember that of all the ordinary things that happened to you, tomorrow could be extraordinary.
Good night.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
January 2, 2010
Today, overall, was an enjoyable day. There were moments when I believed the stress was getting to intense, and in those moments, I could tell they were effecting Ellie as well. So today, I am grateful for two things.
The first being Ellie. Of course I'm grateful God gave her to me so willingly, but there are moments of clarity that she brings to my life like no one else can. Without her I would never have known my own patience and tolerance levels. She gives me opportunity after opportunity to show her the way to behave and handle situations, and mimicks everything I do. I know when things need to change in my own behavior because I observe her! She is the best mirror anyone can ask for. She doesn't show you the physical attributes that you tend to get caught up on, but your inner person. Your character. I listen to the way she says things. I watch how she treats the animals. I amuse myself with her goofy tendencies. I don't always like the things I'm observing, but the only person I can be angry with is myself, and I'm also the only one who can change anything. She is exactly what I needed to become a better person!
The other thing that I'm grateful, although a little confused, is a letter I recieved today from a grade school friend. He's very hard on his luck right now, and even when things are hard, he still took the time the write me a letter. The events that he wrote about confuse my emotions, but nonetheless, recieving a letter in the mail is always going to make my day. It lets you know that someone was really thinking about. Granted, in the day and age of email and texting, you can very easily tell someone you're thinking about them with various e-cards, template texts (that you don't even have to type), or a quick forwarded joke to make them smile. But. to take out minutes upon minutes of your day to hand write a letter speaks volumes about the amount that you thought about the recieving person. Contemplating every sentence before writing it permanently on a sheet of paper. Thinking about the sighs of contentment as they open and read the letter. I do wish more people would take the time to write. Its becoming a lost art form and by this one simple letter, I remember the joy I get in writing and sending letters to far distant friends. A simple hello can make all the difference and his letter helped to lift my spirits today when I was stressing out over something minute.
Tomorrow a letter will be written to hopefully give my friend his own form of contentment. Tomorrow I will think twice before acting and speaking out in front of Ellie. Today is done, tomorrow is another one...
Good night.
The first being Ellie. Of course I'm grateful God gave her to me so willingly, but there are moments of clarity that she brings to my life like no one else can. Without her I would never have known my own patience and tolerance levels. She gives me opportunity after opportunity to show her the way to behave and handle situations, and mimicks everything I do. I know when things need to change in my own behavior because I observe her! She is the best mirror anyone can ask for. She doesn't show you the physical attributes that you tend to get caught up on, but your inner person. Your character. I listen to the way she says things. I watch how she treats the animals. I amuse myself with her goofy tendencies. I don't always like the things I'm observing, but the only person I can be angry with is myself, and I'm also the only one who can change anything. She is exactly what I needed to become a better person!
The other thing that I'm grateful, although a little confused, is a letter I recieved today from a grade school friend. He's very hard on his luck right now, and even when things are hard, he still took the time the write me a letter. The events that he wrote about confuse my emotions, but nonetheless, recieving a letter in the mail is always going to make my day. It lets you know that someone was really thinking about. Granted, in the day and age of email and texting, you can very easily tell someone you're thinking about them with various e-cards, template texts (that you don't even have to type), or a quick forwarded joke to make them smile. But. to take out minutes upon minutes of your day to hand write a letter speaks volumes about the amount that you thought about the recieving person. Contemplating every sentence before writing it permanently on a sheet of paper. Thinking about the sighs of contentment as they open and read the letter. I do wish more people would take the time to write. Its becoming a lost art form and by this one simple letter, I remember the joy I get in writing and sending letters to far distant friends. A simple hello can make all the difference and his letter helped to lift my spirits today when I was stressing out over something minute.
Tomorrow a letter will be written to hopefully give my friend his own form of contentment. Tomorrow I will think twice before acting and speaking out in front of Ellie. Today is done, tomorrow is another one...
Good night.
Friday, January 1, 2010
The First Day of a New Prespective
I read in a magazine once how a particular woman "destressed" in the evenings. She kept a "Gratitude Journal." That's my goal. I've found myself being over pessimistic with life in general, and that's no way to lead a healthy life, or set an example of for my daughter. I'm going to focus on the positive things throughout the day and record them here. My goal is to do this every night before I retire for the evening. It will be the last things I'm thinking about before I head of to bed. With an upcoming forced separation, keeping a positive outlook on what's going on around me will help me get through each day without Tom physically by my side.
I'm also turning my focus back on God. I feel as though I've left him until when I need Him. Yes, I know He's there for me regardless of my lifestyle or prayer practices, but I feel guilty. I'm not promising to make mass every sunday, but I am going to turn my life over to Him more. I owe that to Him. He's given me strength and wisdom when I needed them so much. He's given me the opportunities to grow and learn and become a person that would make anyone proud. I've felt so out of balance the past few years, and I truely believe that my floundering faith is the reason why. I've been trying to control everything, from the moment I wake up, to when I'm about to sleep. I'm turning my trust onto Him and letting him lead me again.
So to start the year off right, the first thing that comes to mind for me to be grateful for would be the way that Tom has learned to handle Ellie. I know that he's still not as comfortable with her as I am, but I've got much more experience and trust with her than he has. The fact that he is trying so hard to be there for her, as her Daddy, not just her Father, is hitting hard on me. Watching him step up more and more every day make me feel that he wants me around. I'm grateful for my husband and everything that he's been doing to make our family stronger.
Today is done, tomorrow is another one. Let us be patient and sympathetic to those around us, and keep God in our hearts.
Good night.
I'm also turning my focus back on God. I feel as though I've left him until when I need Him. Yes, I know He's there for me regardless of my lifestyle or prayer practices, but I feel guilty. I'm not promising to make mass every sunday, but I am going to turn my life over to Him more. I owe that to Him. He's given me strength and wisdom when I needed them so much. He's given me the opportunities to grow and learn and become a person that would make anyone proud. I've felt so out of balance the past few years, and I truely believe that my floundering faith is the reason why. I've been trying to control everything, from the moment I wake up, to when I'm about to sleep. I'm turning my trust onto Him and letting him lead me again.
So to start the year off right, the first thing that comes to mind for me to be grateful for would be the way that Tom has learned to handle Ellie. I know that he's still not as comfortable with her as I am, but I've got much more experience and trust with her than he has. The fact that he is trying so hard to be there for her, as her Daddy, not just her Father, is hitting hard on me. Watching him step up more and more every day make me feel that he wants me around. I'm grateful for my husband and everything that he's been doing to make our family stronger.
Today is done, tomorrow is another one. Let us be patient and sympathetic to those around us, and keep God in our hearts.
Good night.
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