I've realized I'm not where I thought I would be in life right now. I've realized that this is never what I expected to be doing at 26. I also never thought that I would have become this comfortable in my faith. I never thought that I would be thankful to just be.
But I am. I am a woman. I am a daughter. I am a mother. I am a friend. I am a guardian. I am a provider. I am a nuturer. I am confidant. I am stubborn. I am independent. I am original. I am comfortable. I am happy.
Although I may not have been expecting this to be my life, it is. I couldn't ask for anything better. The ups and the downs. I can't say that before I was married, I ever really and truly saw myself as a mother. God obviously had a different plan. Ellie was the best thing to have happened to me. He knew what she would do for me, and what she's still capable of doing for me. I pray that I'm able to repay the favor.
I've realized that all the things I expected out of life when I was a child, and by child I mean even as close as a few years ago, that my dreams were selfish. They were things that would, in the long run, only make me happy. And yes, I do believe that an individual has to be happy and satisfied before they can do anything about helping another person find his/her happiness, but, by my dreams and aspirations changing to making others happy, and finding ways to do that, I realize it is making me happy.
With all the pitfalls included, I have a good life.
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me." ~Erma Bombeck
It is hard to be content in the "now", isn't it? I struggle with this from time to time.
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