She's here!! (part 2)

So, now its 5:30 or so and we decide that its time to take a walk up to the drugstore to get the final things. I'm pretty sure it was during that walk that things started really progressing for us. I had already called my doula and another doula friend and they were on their way, and another friend was coming over to pick up the dogs for us. While in the drugstore I got a pretty strong and long contraction and had to actually kneel down in the store. I cried. We got our stuff and we paid and made our way, slowly, back home. We were almost home when we found out that both the doulas and our friends were already at our house waiting for us. We were less than 2 minutes away from the house when Salli called me to find out how I was doing. She called right as I was getting another contraction that brought me to tears. Ellie and Tom kept walking as that's what I suggested they do, and I lingered behind, talking to Salli on the phone and dealing with my contraction the best I could... walking uphill... We decided that I would talk to Lisa, one of my doulas before deciding whether or not it was time for Salli to make her way to the house.

Its roughly 7 o'clock pm now, and the dogs are gone, all the people that needed to be at my house (excluding Salli) were here, and things were getting pretty heavy. My contractions were about 3o-45 seconds long, occurring every two minutes. I remember thinking that it was insane how they hurt so much, but then I felt just fine once they were gone. I was able to hold conversations and make jokes... things were settling in, but weren't quite hard yet. I can't remember who, but during one of my contractions, one of the doulas suggested I get into the shower to see if that would help. I did, and it did. It was nice to just let the hot water run over me. Tom staying in the bathroom while I took my shower to help me deal with the contractions if I needed him. For the most part, I would just lean against the shower wall and let everything loose and just moan with the contraction.

**From this point on, I honestly cannot tell you any times. I have no perception of the times that any of the following things happened.**

The shower also seemed to make my contractions stronger so I decided for the time being I wanted out. I put on my birthing dress, and started pacing around the house with Ellie. With every contraction I had I would moan, and Ellie would say, "its okay mommy. Just sing to the baby." I look back on it now and think about how sweet it was of her. She really was trying to help me. BUT... she also thought that after every contraction the baby would be out. She would look under my dress and see if she could see her. Being a 4 year old, I can understand her logic. I knew she was getting impatient with the whole process and I was worried about how she would react once things really started getting heated. I asked if she wanted to wait around the house with me for the baby or would she rather go to a friend's house and spend the night and meet her sister tomorrow? Without any hesitation, she said she'd rather go to the friends house. I asked one of the people at my house to drive her there.

Now that I didn't have to worry about scaring Ellie, I really started letting out the moaning and groaning. Also, my back labor started and it was horrible. At one point, I was double peaking, and bless my husband, he stayed with me and did every thing I asked him. The doulas were there offering support and a lending hand to Tom if he needed it. The pain was horrible and I swore I was transitioning, and that was what helped me deal with it. I kept telling myself I was getting closer. It was worth it. I knew I could deal with these with my husband there supporting me.

Finally the birthing tub was ready, and honestly, it was nice, but I was expecting more... until I finally got that one contraction, and got that perfect amount of counter pressure, and honestly, it felt like the contraction just went away. It was amazing! That didn't happen for all of them, but for the few of them it did that to, I would definitely use some sort of birthing pool again! Tom had put his swim trunks on and was with me as long as I needed him. A few times I felt like I needed to throw up, but every time, I just had to cough. And then the need to push happened. Salli told me to do whatever my body told me to do. And I did. I was pushing with the contractions, and it really helped....

Except I wasn't ready. Salli realized that I wasn't PUSHING pushing. She came over and did an internal, and I got the most debilitating news. I was only 5-6cm. I was crushed. I thought there was no way I could go through an actual transition if what happened on the couch WASN'T my transition. I gave up. I felt it. I was getting breaks in between my contractions now, and during those breaks I was able to fall half asleep. Once the contraction happened though, they seemed so horrible, and I know now that it was because I was fighting them, not working with them as I had before. Twice I asked to be taken to the hospital.

On the second time, everyone believed that I meant it. I honestly felt like there was no way I could keep going. Everyone tried their best to talk me out of it, saying how close I was to having Amelia. How if I went to the hospital I would have a c-section. How I'd still have to deal with contractions all the way there, in a car no less. I didn't care. I couldn't keep doing what I was doing.

I mentioned earlier that we weren't prepared for this birth. I meant it. We didn't have a diaper bag. We didn't have anything picked out just in case a transport was necessary. So everyone was rushing around the house getting things together. They kept asking me questions about preferences and all I can remember saying is "I don't care!" The pool was being drained while all of this was going on, and I was in my bedroom, not dealing with my contractions. Once I got the go ahead that everything was packed up I rushed out the door... only to find that we couldn't find the car keys. Grrrrrr! I had a neighbor outside that could see us all rushing out, and I'm yelling, "I need in the car. I need to go! Tom, we'll take your f-in car!" I was beyond reasoning and um, civilities. I was waiting by Tom's car when I saw the lights of my car flicker on letting me know that Tom had found my keys and had opened the door. Bethany, the other doula was already clearing out the backseat as I'm yelling at her to just let me in, I needed in. I crawled in on hands and knees, and this is when it got interesting...

I immediately started pushing. Yep. There was no holding back. I was taken aback by the pain and pressure of needing to push that I couldn't resist it. My poor neighbors heard it all. They yelled to get the Salli over there and at some point she did an internal, and sure enough, Amelia was almost all the way down. I had them all telling me I was going to have the baby in the car if I didn't move and move fast. Of course, when they were telling me this I couldn't move!

As soon as the contraction let up, Tom opened up the door and we were rushing inside. I could already feel something starting up again, and I knew it was going to be fast. I had no idea where to go because the pool was already almost completely drained. Salli told me to go to my bedroom where things were already set up. Once the pads were in place and my underwear was off, I instinctively went to my hands and knees. I started pushing again and Tom was right there by my side. The only comparison I can make to what I sounded like as I was pushing was the scream from "the princess bride" when wesley was being tortured by the six fingered man. With this second contraction, I could feel the "ring of fire" and I remember saying how much it burned. I don't remember getting any guidance about slowing down and stopping or anything. I was just doing whatever my body told me to do. Apparently this was when Amelia was crowning. With the next contraction, I pushed and almost immediately felt this immense release of pressure... because I had just birthed her head. I was so scared to ask if that was what that was because I was so scared someone was going to tell me no. Between that contraction and the next it seemed as though there were a huge time gap. I have no idea how long I rested, but I welcomed it. With the fourth contraction, I pushed, and Amelia was born. :) Our midwife had just recently broken her arm so she couldn't catch Amelia, and I remember her telling Tom, "Catch her!" It was amazing. It was done! I had just had a vaginal birth in my own home. I don't know who told me, but someone told me to reach down and hold my baby, which of course I did.

Tom was so important to me in all of this. I had my apprehensions about how Tom would handle my labor, and he proved me wrong every which way. He did exactly what I asked him to. He constantly supported me through the whole thing. He made sure I knew how proud of me he was. This whole process changed my vision of him. I love him so much more. Our family has forever been changed because of this birth. I no longer have to fear pregnancy because of a c-section I had. I have proven that I am no broken. Tom has proven that he is here for me in every way he can be.