(I am again writing on the following morning. I was too tired last night to stay up any later after taking care of my financial responsibilites.)
This morning I found out that Tom and I are not pregnant. Mind you, we didn't really want to be, so this is a good thing. We would've been happy either way, but were definitely leaning towards the "lets wait a little longer" side. I had gotten off birth control in hopes that my migranes would subside, even just a little. Unfortunately, we were tempting with the fates. I believe that God knew it would be just a little too much on my plate had I gotten pregnant. I trust His judgement before my own. I do know that we both want more, but we're waiting for a better time. There was a small, minute amount of disappointment, but it was a fleeting moment. I can stop worrying about it and get back to the things happening today!
I did have thoughts about whether or not I'm able to have more children. There has been nothing to suggest that I can't have more children, but doesn't every mother who wants more children in her life wonder that at some point or another. I pray that I'm able, but I also look at Ellie and realize that I'm already luckier than quite a number of women. Some women will never be able to bear a child of their own. So even if it's just, I'm a very happy and blessed mother.
"With what price we pay for the glory of motherhood." ~Isadora Duncan
Good night.
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