Well, I missed the last couple of days and I have no idea how that happened. Oh, now I remember. Tuesday night I didn't get home until 10pm, and after getting Ellie to bed I was wiped. Wednesday (last) night I was preparing everything I needed for the financial workshop I attended today because I knew it was going to be a really early day for me. Tonight, I knew I had to get my entry in before I started working on my Pampered Chef business or do any of the other little things that I do before bed.
I feel as though my life has started to maintain a balance. I feel that I'm lacking in my spiritual practices, but not in my faith. I am grateful that God has given me the opportunity to develop my personality, once again. People evolve and change and adapt as needed. I find it hard to believe that the person you are now will be the same person you will be in 20 and 40 years from now. Take my mother for instance. Now, granted the examples are from my childhood so they may be a little skewed. I tend to remember her always wanting to rest. I didn't understand what was stress was as a child, but looking back on it, I can tell that the emotions were reactions to stress and having three young children. Now, if you see her with any of the grand babies, its as if the stress is wiped clean. At least until the kids start destroying the house and incessantly disobeying. And I think that applies to all parents turned grandparents. The way they treat children is different. They have adapted to their new roles. I'm grateful that I've accepted my role as a stay at home mother, and am starting to enjoy all the time I can spend with Ellie. Even if it just while we're sitting together watching Dora or Diego.
Another thing that I've become grateful for is how easy it to come back from my temper meltdowns. I've never been the type of person to hold it in. And once it was out, I was normally in a bad mood for a while, days, weeks afterwards. Now, I've learned that Ellie has started to develop my temper and is getting frustrated easily with things. I have started to teach myself that it's okay to lose my temper, but I need to do it in private and be able to recoup quickly afterwards. For example, last night Ellie had to go potty. She didn't sit back far enough on the toilet and ended up peeing on the floor. I lost my temper (not so much at her... I didn't reprimand her), but I did let out an angry growl, if you will. It was loud and it scared Ellie. I immediately took a breath and calmed myself down. I held Ellie and told her that it wasn't her fault. That I was sorry I lost my temper. Her response: "It's okay Mommy. You want me to find it?" =) I love that little girl. Her innocence will brighten my day on my worst and darkest days.
Those are just a couple of things I thought I'd mention. There is actually more I'd like to write about, but I can feel a headache creeping on and want to sleep before it gets the better of me.
Good night.
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