Today was a good time. Things went smoothly. Once again, we had to take Ellie to the doc and he gave us some suggestions to hopefully help her cough. I got to have some girl time and went a book club to discuss my latest reading endeavour.
I actually want to make note today of my gratitude to my parents. A lot of parenting ideas were brought up within the discussions of the book, and of course I not only thought about how I'm raising Ellie, but of how I was raised. My parents are the reason I'm grateful today. I didn't choose them, but I thank God he chose them for me.
They did what they thought was best for us. They were young and playing things by ear with three young children hanging on their pants' legs. The frustration levels were high as well as the stress, and yet, I don't really remember any of that. I remember being allowed to play in the front yard of my grandmother's house and climbing the tree. I remember Mom constantly telling me how wrong it was to lie. I remember my father finding creative ways to make appendages "stop hurting."
I remember being disciplined... a lot. I remember thinking numerous times that I wanted to run away. I remember thinking that Mom loved Mandi best because she was the oldest, and Dad loved TJ best because he was the only boy. I remember thinking that I was left out.
I am realizing now how wrong I was with that negative thinking. My parents loved me just as much as my brother and sister. I realize now that I just wanted more attention to simply have more attention. When I excelled in school and academics, my parents always celebrated. When I would compete in sporting events, my parents made the effort to get there if they could.
Its sad to think that I ever thought like that. I assume that those are just normal, middle-child thoughts. I am worried that if I do ever have another child, I don't ever want them to feel that I'm not giving enough. I realize how much my parents gave me. Of course as a child, since it wasn't tangible for the most part, it didn't count. As an adult, and parent to boot, I realize that the things my parents gave me that were worth anything were the intangible lessons and personality traits they helped to encourage. They encouraged me to be of good moral standings, someone who doesn't lie, cheat or steal. Someone who cares for others before myself.
My mother is a woman I am proud to resemble, both physically and through my actions/words. I know I follow my father's personality almost to the letter, and I'm okay with that. Because of this, I'm not nervous in front of crowds, I like to be around people, and I'm extroverted. I enjoy my life. I am happy that I am enough like my parents that my daughter will have some sense of them through me. I do really wish she could spend more time with my parents, but as a military family, we will make the best of that obstacle as we can. There are so many positive traits that I could talk about my parents, but I wouldn't want to embarrass them!
So for now, I would like everyone to know how thankful I am for how my parents raised me and letting me know how much they love me. Love is something that can never be replaced, only added to. Knowing I have the love of my parents is a fullfilling emotion. I can only hope that Ellie feels that as she gets older.
Today is done. Tomorrow is another one.
Good night.
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