I'm faced with a hard dillema right now. Tom's deployment orders came down today. The date is set in "wet cement," as I like to say. In otherwords, it can shift, but its unlikely. I know he's doing the right thing as a patriot. He's doing the right thing as a father and husband, too. Emotionally though, I'm very torn. Emotional and physical separations are hard battles. Knowing that though, and being that its the only thing I can think about, I'm struggling to find some positive thoughts of gratitude this evening.
Lets just wing it and see how it goes. I've made myself an active member in two different groups since moving back to San Antonio. The unit's FRG and a local Mommy's group. Both groups are keeping me active and that's something to be thankful for.
The FRG, or Family Readiness Group, is utlized for spouses and family members to know what's going on with their soldiers. They also do activities to help keep the morale up among the spouses. They provide valuable information and resources for those of us left behind so that we can maintain some semblance of the life before the deployment. I already feel that I have a great support group among the women that I have befriended and feel that when time are getting shaky (and I know they will), I'll have someone who will know exactly what I'm talking about. Not that I didn't love the support my family gave me during the first deployment, but there are just some things they didn't understand or couldn't really help with. I felt I had to keep a lot of my issues in. So, knowing that that won't be an issue this deployment is a nice weight off my shoulders.
Now on to the Mommy's group. I was always intimidated by the idea of meeting a bunch of women and their kids and getting judged. It's nothing like that. Ellie and I have so much fun with the group we're involved with. They have anywhere from 5 to 25 events in a month and the choices are super eclectic. Some events are just for pregnant mommies, and other include the family pets. Some events are just for the moms to get out and about while others involve creating crafts and storytimes for the kiddos. I love this group. This is the group that will keep my mind off the negative thinking that's inevitably going to come with the deployment. Having things to do and keeping my mind active will help the days goes by smoother, and really, how could I not be grateful for that.
There is one other thing for me to grateful for regarding this deployment. Honestly, its the only good thing about deployments... well, besides being proud of your soldier for being able to do what only 3% of Americans are willing to do. We will have extra income coming in and that is always a huge weight in our household. We will be able to get rid of some debt and still live the life we're living now. I'm planning on going to some budgeting classes and finance classes and helping our family get our act together and start saving for emergencies and college funds. At least the military compensates for the separation. It may not be much, but every little bit helps.
I do have some things to look forward to and some thing to be thankful for. It took me a while to get this entry written because it was hard to break through the negative emotional wall that is still lingering, but it was relieving to be able to find something. And hey! That's the whole point of this journal...
"Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith." --Author Unknown
Hey girl =( My heart goes out to you. HUG!! Stinking deployments. I'm taking a great class through Columbia College, MO online campus. It's called "Counseling Military Families" and the "textbook" is a paperback book by the same name by Dr. Lynn Hall. There's also another book called "Military Brats: Legacies of Childhood Inside the Fortress". Check your local library. I'm learning a LOT through these books because even though I think I know all about deployments, it's helping me see how other people deal with them and most importantly, in the 2nd book, how children deal in careerist military families. Anyways, I'm praying for you and there are MANY people praying for our loved ones serving. Keep your chin up! I think the only thing to do is stay positive, as hard has it can be, and keep in mind, the you are a strong woman and millions of women before you have gone through deployments. My grandma's best friend is 94 years old and tells me how she waited MONTHS for letters from her husband while he was at war...how lukcy we are to have internet. Have faith in you, your husband and your marriage. God bless, ~~Elisa
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