Yesterday evening I wrote a very quick entry into this journal. I would like to expand on what happened after I closed out the entry and attempted to go to bed. I had no idea the power of what this journal has had over me. Before I continue, let me just say that this is a postive revelation. My entry last night was simple, with very little thought involved. It got the point across to the most basic ideas of what this journal is for.
When I was heading off to sleep, I realized though that I still had things on my mind. I realized that I've been using this journal as a stress relief. A place to get all the negative thoughts out, while maintaining all of the postive thoughts in. I know now that I can't do that in a couple of short sentences. I have come to find out that ths journal is an outlet for my negative energy to pass through. I put some deep thought into what I write for the most part, and those deep thoughts are what keep my mind clear before I go to bed.
I actually went to bed trying to FORCE myself into thinking of the positive things that happened, and it just wasn't working. All those little nagging thoughts of what didn't happen, or what went wrong kept creeping in and leaving me feeling frustrated and emotionally drained. I simply couldn't unwind. I believe that this journal may have become a sort of crutch to give myself that every day release. Some people meditate; I blog. I had started think I was doing this more for others, to show that there are positive things to think about when it feels the world has turned upside-down. I know with 100% certainty that this is now more for me than ever before. Keeping this journal as done more than just help me focus on the positive things, it's helped me destress in ways I didn't think I needed.
I've attempted journaling before, but never really got a release out of it. I would write poems and short stories as a creative outlet, but it never really kept me. I would jot down my thought and things that happened in the day, but that too never really kept me. It seems that, having this very specific purpose, and given me reason to keep writing. I think my sanity may be at stake here. I know now that if my evening needs to be cut short, for whatever the reason, I need to write my entry earlier so that I can get those negative thoughts out!
I'm actually writing this on the plane, on the way to MD and its giving me a very intense feeling of satisfaction. As if, yesterday's entry was left incomplete. There wasn't really anything to expand upon within the entry itself, but a realization afterwards.
Again, it's the little things that count.
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