January 17, 2010

I am more tired today than I have been in a long while. There was nothing spectacular today, nothing overwhelming that would make me feel as if I have no energy left. I'm just tired. Some times your body just knows when it needs to slow down.

Earlier today, I got to pick up Ellie from my friends house. It was so wonderful hearing her voice and feeling her little arms around my neck during our hug. To hear her tell me "I missed you so much," brought tears to my eyes. I knew I missed her during my time away from her, but I haden't realized how much so until I was with her again. She is my everything. God blessed me with this amazing little child. She intelligent and spunky. She's beautiful and charming. She's got her own personality, yet she tries to be like mommy and daddy. My love for her grew exponentially today, if that's possible.

I hadn't realized how blessed I was by motherhood. I knew it had changed me, and I know a lot of those changes were positive. Everything about my life, everything that I'm grateful for, I've come to realize, eventually falls down to Ellie. I used to think that I didn't want to have any children; that I was too selfish for children and that I wanted to enjoy MY life as long as I possibly could. Now, I know how empty I would be right now if Ellie had not come into my life. I've had dreams and ambitions that would get me going in the morning, but eventually fall by the wayside. When it comes to Ellie though, its never changing. Its almost as if my feelings for her are getting progressively stronger each and every day. I am more and more emphatically grateful to God for giving me this blessing. I know how many couple out there would honestly give everything they could to have a child, and God blessed me with this little angel (at times... )

I can't ever imagine my life without her in it. She is everything to me, and will be for the rest of my life. I read a story to her this evening that I think every parent should read, titled "I'll Love you Forever." Short but very sweet and passionate, it has quickly become my new favorite story to read to her. It embodies everything that I feel for her.


"A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for." --Author Unknown